Susan's Fight Back

Reconstruction Wonders

You have probably heard of the Seven Wonders of the World, and perhaps you have even had the opportunity to visit one or two.
 
I have titled this blog reconstruction wonders, because that is how I feel about the surgery and results so far. Now be warned, this blog has some graphic description of breast reconstruction and is not for the faint at heart.
 
But let me start at the very beginning, just over a year ago after I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had stepped down from my role with the Canadian Cancer Society, a good friend, Dr. Al, called me to see how I was doing. Dr. Al was the heart surgeon who saved my dad's life back in 97, and he is now located in Manitoba.
 
To make a long story short, he basically informed me that Dr. Buchel and his team were doing some pretty impressive work in Manitoba for women with breast cancer. He offered to provide some contact information and I readily accepted.
 
Not long after my discussion with Dr. Al, I had lunch with another friend from Manitoba. She had undergone immediate breast reconstruction at the time of her cancer surgery and was pleased with her results. She also praised the program in Winnipeg.
 
Now this is a bit hard for most that live in the province of Ontario to accept, but the fact is, after months of research and meeting with three different plastic surgeons in Ontario, Winnipeg is miles ahead in the type of micro surgery that they do and the priority they place on breast reconstruction.
 
As an example, if you are diagnosed with breast cancer in Manitoba, and told that you need a mastectomy, the program is designed so that you meet with a plastic surgeon within two to three weeks of diagnosis. You are able to find out your options and if you choose immediate reconstruction the plastic surgeon becomes part of your cancer treatment team.
 
Contrast this with Ontario and the picture is truly not so bright. If you meet with a plastic surgeon within six months of diagnosis you are doing well. And usually that only happens if you beg and plead, as I did. More often then not, they don't even want to see you for your first consultation until six months to a year after you have completed radiation, and reconstruction surgery is usually months down the line. However there are some physicians that are doing immediate reconstruction, you just have to find them.
 
All that being said I carefully weighed the pros and cons of immediate reconstruction. And I decided after consultation with my oncology team and family and friends, to fight the cancer first, with chemo, surgery, and radiation, and to have reconstruction surgery second.

And again after weighing the pros and cons of reconstruction options, and knowing that I did not want surgery that involved implants, back or stomach muscle, I decided on the newer micro surgery. And the reality is that no one in Ontario has done many SGAPs or IGAPs period; and only one that I could find has actually done a bilateral SGAP.
 
Now this is where the story is truly not for the weak stomach. But so that you understand, the preferred surgery for my body type was the bilateral IGAP, which involves using the tissue from my buttocks and creating a flap for my new breasts. And yes, it is as invasive as it sounds.
 
But it was my best option, so I signed up for it and that's why I find myself flat on my back in Winnipeg recovering from surgery for the next week or so.
 
The results so far are much better than I was expecting. To be frank, they will not be perfect or symmetrical at first or maybe never. And I have been warned that I am not out of the woods yet, there is a chance my body could still reject the tissue flap transfer. However, I am following the doctor's orders, laying flat or standing, going for short walks and eating healthy (thanks to Jo-Anne who is out here with me!)
 
However, perhaps I should back up a bit and also explain that this surgery requires a strong support network. And once again my dear friends enlisted to help me out!
 
Barb flew out with me on the Saturday before my surgery to help get organized and to stay with me throughout my hospital stay. And we quickly discovered that Winnipeg is indeed much colder than Windsor!
 
The day before my surgery, I had a chance to reconnect with Dr. Al, and meet his wife and son. We all met for a lovely brunch at the Fort Garry Hotel. It was a great chance to catch up, and to learn a little bit more about Winnipeg. It also took my mind off the surgery scheduled for the next day. Barb and I also had a chance to take a walk to the Osborne Village shopping area, and pick up a few things at the Safeway and Shoppers. Barb also picked up a bottle of wine....I think she thought she was going to need it to get through the week!
 
Surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am Monday morning, which meant we had to arrive at the hospital at 5:45 am. And it took about eight hours (so I am told). Pain medication kept me very sleepy for the first 24 to 48 hours after the surgery.
 
I must admit that it is truly a nice feeling to have someone watching out for you, talking with the doctors and nurses, and monitoring your care. Barb was at my bedside from early morning to late at night while I was in the hospital. And I am certain that it is due to her care and concern that I was able to return to the condominium seven days after the surgery!
 
It was also due to the amazing care that I received at the hospital. The nurses were incredible, and most were very experienced with IGAP patients and knew exactly how to move me around. They also were good at pushing me to do my breathing exercises and eat my food.
 
I was pretty excited when the doctor said that I could get up on day three with physio. What I wasn't expecting was the total dizziness that accompanied it. Suffice it to say that I stood up for probably less than five minutes the first time. But on the second day, I actually walked a little with physio, and later in the day with the nurse and Barb's assistance I walked a bit more. I was determined to get out of the hospital and back to the condo where I could have a good night's sleep.
 
The weekend doctor wasn't as positive about my possible discharge on the Monday, but that only made me more determined to get out of bed and move around as much as possible. Perhaps I was a bit too determined as a couple of night nurses were a bit hesitant in helping me up which I found a little difficult to deal with.
 
One of the most challenging and frustrating issues I faced in the hospital was trying to use the washroom standing up. But eventually I managed this task as well. (And I used to think losing an election was a humbling experience!)
 
The weekend also brought a visit from a woman who had undergone the same procedure two years earlier. She and I had communicated many times via email and also on the phone prior to the surgery. It was a great relief to see living proof of a successful surgery. She truly looks amazing and is very happy with her results.
 
And I am not sure who was more excited, Barb or me, when the doctor said early Monday morning that I could leave the hospital that day. Although there were a few official items that needed to be completed before I could be discharged, it was shortly after lunch when I found myself lying in a comfortable bed back at the condo.
 
Jo-Anne had arrived earlier that morning, and I am pretty sure Barb was ready to turn over the reigns to her and go back to Windsor for a good night's sleep!
 
It was truly nice to have a home cooked meal of salmon and broccoli for dinner. It was also nice to have hot tea and homemade hermit cookies. The condo has a counter/eating bar which is perfect for me to stand at and eat or drink, as I am not supposed to sit for at least another week.
 
As one day blends into the next, I continue to regain my strength gradually with great home cooked meals and care, courtesy of Jo-Anne, phone calls from friends back home, lots of sleep and short bouts of exercise. If it wasn't for the fact that I can't sit properly, I would say that I am about seventy to eighty per cent back to normal.
 
My check up at the clinic on Thursday went very smoothly once we found a taxi with a seat that reclined in the front. That was something of an experience due to the new rules being implemented in Winnipeg for shields around the driver. And it was an incredibly snowy day on Thursday as we inched our way to and from the hospital clinic for the check up. Have I mentioned that Winnipeg is having a record snowfall for the month of November?
 
Home at the condo again meant scrounging through the fridge for leftovers. For me, Jo-Anne's spinach pie is amazing and I could eat that every day, so it wasn't leftovers to me! She tells me that I am a fussy eater and I laugh, because I don't think that I am, however I just like my food quite simple in its preparation. And since I can't have chocolate because I can't have caffeine, desserts are definitely a bit challenging these days!
 
For me, reconstruction is a huge step forward to full recovery. It will hopefully bring some peace from my cancer experience and allow me to move forward in so many ways. I know it is early days yet, but it feels like this enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulder.
 
And it is important to recognize that breast cancer survivors are all very different, and reconstruction may not be the path you wish to follow for you or your loved one. Both of my grandmothers lived long lives and I believe that I am going to live to be ninety. I want my body to be somewhat normal as I go through life's journey, so reconstruction was definitely important for me. I don't want to wash my breast prosthesis every day, nor do I want to buy special bras or swim suits for the rest of my life. But again, this is a very personal decision and any kind of surgery should not be considered lightly.
 
The best news about my reconstruction surgery so far, is it is truly a wonder to have the support and care of my family and friends as I go through this step in life. Although some were not in favour of another surgery, they have accepted my decision with grace and supported me every step of the way. Yes, reconstruction has truly been one of the wonders of my life.
 

Getting Ready For Reconstruction

November started off with a flurry of activity and a very long “to do” list. However, the first day of November is my sister Terry’s birthday, and after getting a bit of work done in the morning, I decided we should go for a nice lunch at Caldwell’s to celebrate. It was an incredibly sunny and warm day for the first of November and after lunch we went for a long walk into town.

I did have a few other things that needed to get done on my list that sunny Monday so I found myself back at my computer in the late afternoon. It was important to keep myself busy because at 6:30 pm, the nurse was to arrive to administer the new drug Zometa. I was actually looking forward to her visit because I was truly very excited to have the opportunity to receive this new drug that may help strengthen my bones.

It was a bit unusual to have the drug administered while sitting at my dining room table in Amherstburg as all of my former treatments took place when I was living in Toronto. However, the nurse was very friendly and the time went by quickly. And truth be told, I was very lucky with the drug, because I did not have any of the serious side effects that may happen. I soon found myself at my sister’s for a piece of her birthday cheesecake.

Tuesday morning brought an opportunity to speak at an introductory political science class about my former role as a parliamentarian. I was joined there by another former MP, the Hon Geoff Scott, and we had a lot of fun answering questions from the students. It is amazing how you forget about certain aspects of your previous work life until someone asks a question. It was great to reach back in my memory and pull out all of the details without too much effort. I say this, because I was warned that chemotherapy might have a long term effect on my memory. The good new is that I don’t believe that it actually has, although my family and friends may disagree with this at times!

Thinking about life in politics does cause me to truly reflect on my health situation today. I can’t help but wonder sometimes if all of those late nights working, flying, attending functions, or the lack of sleep and exercise some days contributed to my diagnosis of breast cancer. I know that it doesn’t make sense to go back in time but some days I just can’t help it. And no matter how many people tell me not to blame myself for getting cancer, there are some days when I just can’t help myself.

Unfortunately the fun and excitement of Tuesday morning was quickly replaced by a trip for work and a conference in Toronto about Administrative Justice and Tribunals. The conference was very interesting and informative, but definitely not as much fun as speaking to the political science class!

I had planned to take it easy when I returned from Toronto but as they say there is no rest for the wicked, and I found myself out with friends at an annual appreciation dinner on Friday before heading over to Sylvia’s for green tea! Somehow I got involved in a late night political discussion with her husband Peter and it was almost midnight before I returned home. So I decided that Saturday morning I wasn’t going to set my alarm, and I didn’t. However, I did get up and went to the gym to start off my day, but I think it was close to 11:00 by the time I was showered and ready for the rest of the day!

Have you ever had an assignment or project to do and you just can’t get started? That was what happened to me on Saturday. I had planned to spend the entire day working on my paper for my health law course and I just could not focus. In hindsight (which is truly wonderful) it was probably because the topic I had chosen was too close to home to write about. I am not exactly sure why I chose “Independent Health Facilities” but I did, and I found myself constantly drifting back to my own misread, now missing, mammogram. No matter how many times I tell myself that I can’t change the past, sometimes I do find myself back there.

Eventually I did settle in and spent the entire evening, yes, Saturday evening, working on the research for my paper. I also allowed myself to go to bed at a relatively early hour even though I knew I would get an additional hour of sleep with the time change. I did so because my body needs to be well rested for my upcoming reconstruction surgery which is now scheduled for the middle of November.

On Sunday morning I had no problem making it to church on time thanks to the extra hour of sleep, and after putting away my patio furniture and a few outside things from summer, I found myself back at the computer doing more research for my paper. I took a couple long breaks since it was Sunday and I went with Sylvia to watch her son’s hockey game in the afternoon>  Later I went out for Terry’s birthday dinner with family.

I don’t think that I have mentioned that Katie, my niece, was home for a long weekend, some kind of study break for the University of Toronto, so on Monday we headed out to do some shopping. Part of it was Christmas shopping because I won’t be able to do much after my surgery for a few weeks, and part of it was to get a few items that I needed for my surgery. I not only got to spend the day with my niece, but I also got invited for  a turkey pie dinner back at Terry and Joe’s. I tried to rationalize that walking through the mall was exercise, but I am not really sure that it counts.

Tuesday did involve a trip to the gym before dedicating the day to working on my research paper. In the evening I found some time to attend the community information meeting for Honeywell which is a company just down the road from my house. I have been participating in the community group they formed and thought the meeting was a great way to inform the citizens of Amherstburg about their business and answer questions. It also was a good way to keep me distracted from my upcoming surgery.

One thing is for certain, if I don’t finish this research paper it will be hanging over my head as I go into surgery and that will not be pleasant. So Wednesday was fully dedicated to writing the draft, and by the time my head hit the pillow the rough draft was complete.

On Thursday I went with my father to the Remembrance Day Ceremony in Amherstburg and then back to the legion for lunch. I truly wish that all Canadians would attend the ceremonies in their communities on November 11^th. We wouldn’t have the freedom and democracy that we enjoy in this country if it wasn’t for the sacrifices of so many men and women on behalf of our country.

Somehow my paper was finished on Friday in time to send it by express post, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief because I could now focus on packing and preparing for my upcoming surgery. Terry and Margo stopped by to watch this fiasco, and couldn’t believe that I was making cinnamon rolls at 10:30 at night, but I was quite anxious and had to burn off some nervous energy.

Next step, reconstruction!

Summer's End and Thanksgiving Blessings

I truly can’t believe that it is fall, but I know that it is in full swing when I see the coloured leaves falling and awaken to cold, crisp mornings. Almost too cold to convince me to get up and go for a walk.

Summer ended with a trip to Paris, France, with my sisters Terry and Cathy and my niece, Katie. It was actually part of Katie’s graduation present and fulfilling a long made promise to her that I had made several years ago when she finished her French education! Originally we had planned to go during March break, but that didn’t quite work out with my surgery. However, the good news is that we were all able to get away at the end of August, before Katie headed off to the University of Toronto to begin her University studies (now that does make me feel old!).

 Upon arrival in Paris we were met with a little bit of rain, but it quickly turned to sunshine and after checking in at the Hotel and a bit of lunch we went out to explore our surroundings. Our hotel was very close to the “Jardin des Tuileries” which is a garden that runs between the Louvre and Place de la Concorde, so we walked up to the Place de la Concorde for some fresh air.

Cathy quickly struck up conversations in French with the concierge at the hotel and found some amazing restaurants for us to dine at each night. The first night we stayed close to the hotel and walked around the corner to our first evening of delicious French cuisine.

 On our second day in Paris, we all went to the Eiffel Tower for lunch. Yes, for lunch. I had decided that a celebration was in order for Katie’s graduation and first visit to Paris, so I had pre booked lunch in the famous Jules Verne restaurant 125 m in the sky. The food was amazing and it was fun to relax and enjoy ourselves while sitting in the Eiffel Tower structure.

Since I had suggested that we all get dressed up for lunch a quick trip back to the hotel was in order so we could change before walking up the Champs Elysees, the prestigious avenue that leads to the Arc de Triomphe.  And although my French was a bit rusty at first, and I truly believe that I was driving Katie a bit crazy with my translation questions, it only took one cab ride where the driver overcharged us to push me to use my own knowledge of the French language – mistakes and all!

 The next day Cathy and I spent a quiet day walking in the area adjacent to the Notre Dame while Katie and Terry visited the famous museum, the Louvre. Cathy and I walked back from Notre Dame through some quaint old streets and we found ourselves at the oldest pub in Paris, where instead of a glass of wine I had ice cream. It was summer after all and the days were still quite warm!

We all met up for a drink before heading to dinner at one of the oldest restaurants in Paris. It was tiny and the food was very traditional, but delicious!

We found ourselves at the famous Gallerie Lafayette, the world’s largest department store, for the better part of Thursday afternoon. Although I walked around the entire store I didn’t buy much because I found the prices truly expensive – but that’s Paris!

Thursday, August 26, 2010, also happened to be my one year anniversary from my official diagnosis of breast cancer. Sometimes it is hard to believe and even comprehend the year that I have had – but it was very calming and appropriate to spend this anniversary in Paris with my sisters and my niece. We went to an amazing restaurant, Les Ombres, which means the shadows, as it has an incredible view of the Eiffel Tower and its shadow falls over the restaurant in the evening. The name was quite appropriate as I now think of chemotherapy, surgery and radiation as in my past. So we had an amazing dinner and celebrated my successful battle with cancer.

And although this may sound strange, when the waiter dripped hot water from my tea on my back, after the initial shock I was actually quite content and not upset. Why? Because it didn’t blister and I knew that my immune system was much stronger now. Twice I burned myself ever so slightly while I was going through chemo and I remember the challenges I had waiting for the healing process. So dripping green tea on me seemed almost a sign of wellness or good luck!

Although I have never been a star gazer, it was also quite lovely to have a glass of wine at Le Meurice Hotel – Cathy advised me that is usually where Tom Cruise stays. We only had drinks there because it was definitely out of our price range!

There was also a lovely coffee and macaroon shop close to our hotel called Angelina’s, and although a bit overpriced, we did enjoy the hot chocolate, cappuccino and the macaroons!

Terry and Katie also went to visit the Yves St Laurent exhibit while Cathy and I went in search of a pet store to buy Harley a French gift! In hindsight I wish we had planned things a little differently and that I had gone with them as well because it sounded truly amazing! They kept teasing me that the clothes on display looked like my old wardrobe – and yes, once upon a time, I used to splurge on fancy clothes for work and play.

Cathy found another great restaurant, Café Les Hommes, with an incredible view of the Eiffel Tower and amazing food as well. We were able to take pictures from the outdoor patio with the Eiffel Tower in the background; truly lovely.

And although there were lots of great meals and fine red wine; there was also plenty of exercise walking the streets of Paris and along the Jardin des Tuileries. I even made it to the hotel gym a couple times to use the weights!

Cathy had to depart a day early, so Terry, Katie and I headed off to visit Notre Dame. It was completely overwhelming to light a candle and offer gratitude to God for helping me through this past year; and also to offer thanks for my family and friends as I wouldn’t have made it without them!

After we walked back from Notre Dame, I went and had a glass of wine in a café in the Jardin des Tuileries. It was peaceful to just sit and watch Paris happening around me.

On our last evening in Paris we found a great little Italian restaurant around the corner from the hotel. Ok, the concierge and Cathy recommended it, but Terry, Katie and I still had to find it! And yes, I know this is a bit strange, Italian food in Paris, but I absolutely love good Italian food and it was fantastic. They made Katie’s pasta sauce on a huge piece of cheese that looked like a bowl and I am not kidding.

After dinner for our last night in Paris, Katie and Terry joined me on a river cruise. And although it was nice to see the sites from a different view and all lit up in the dark, it was a little chilly! A night cap of hot chocolate and tea, and maybe some grand marnier, was definitely in order before we turned in!

Coming back from Paris brought many changes to my life and September and October have truly flown by. I found myself involved in a Tribunal hearing up in Manitoulin the first few days of September before relaxing at a Labor Day barbecue with friends on the Saturday and a surprise 50^th birthday party for a friend on the Sunday. Labor Day itself was actually a day of rest!

One week mixed into the next with Tribunal work and a couple of doctor appointments. Even though they are just check ups, they certainly can take up a lot of time! The good news was I also was able to meet up with Katie the second and third week of September to see how she is settling in at University.

September 18^th was my cousin Tina’s 40^th birthday, and she had an amazing party at a bar/restaurant in Windsor. Tina loves country music so the theme was country western; and let’s just say that my dad could wear his famous green Stetson without looking out of place!

That same evening a friend of mine had helped to organize a fundraiser for breast cancer out in Lakeshore at the Knights of Columbus hall, so off we went. It was a lot of fun, and one of my friends even won the grand prize large screen television. Mike was definitely pleased that he had purchased a ticket for the event!

I also had an invitation to speak to some students at the law school about Pro Bono work and why they should get involved in their community. Although I was a bit nervous, it turned out to be a lot of fun with the other members of the panel and the questions were great.

September was a bit of a struggle to keep my regular exercise routine with travel back and forth for the tribunal and doctor’s appointments, but I was determined to get in as much exercise as possible. I continued to try to start each day with exercise and if it didn’t happen in the morning, I would try to fit it in at night when I got home.

During the third week of September, my friends, Mike and Cathy, hosted a dinner party mid week. It felt like a beautiful summer evening as we enjoyed cocktails outside at Doug and Jeff’s before dinner back at their place. There were a few friends from the US at dinner and the conversation was truly interesting as we discussed both Canada’s and the United States economic recovery. I am still reflecting on the discussion about the time it has taken Japan to recover from their economic fallout and wondering what may happen in the short term and the long term in North America.

Aside from attending dinner parties mid week, not working full time has other advantages. I was able to help my friend Sylvia out by giving her son Eric and his friend a lift to hockey practice in Leamington. It was almost like going back in time for me when I realized how close the arena was to my grandparents’ old house; literally across the street. I was just about to head back to Amherstburg when I realized that I was also close to the cemetery where they are buried, so I drove over and walked over to their headstone. Their pictures are still clear and easy to see, and I truly felt like I was a young girl again when I looked at them. My mother’s parents were truly special people who overcame hardship and war and celebrated more than 50 years of marriage. I drove back towards Windsor thinking about all of the wonderful times I had spent with them while growing up.

Between decision writing and visiting Terry at the hospital (she had gall bladder issues), September ended quickly and before I knew it October had begun.

On the first Sunday in October I attended the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation’s Run for the Cure event in Windsor. The Athletic Club in Amherstburg, which is my local gym, had entered a team and I joined to help raise some money. My good friend Babs came with me for the 5km, however, we didn’t run, we walked. I have never been much of a runner and don’t think I will start now with the lingering stiffness I have in my bones sometimes as a result of chemo.

It was incredible to see more than two thousand people gathered to raise money, and although it was a windy and cool Sunday morning, the sun was shining and the crowd was truly enthusiastic. Babs and I kept up a rather quick pace, 10 minutes per kilometer, and we were excited to see our team win the top corporate fundraising prize.

The first week of October also found me in Toronto for another doctor’s appointment because I am going to start taking a new medication, Zometa, to help strengthen my bones and prevent osteoporosis down the road. Chemotherapy also has a tendency to reduce your bone density, so I am definitely in favour of anything that makes them stronger.

The timing of my oncologist appointment worked out that I could have lunch with Katie, before doing a little bit of work and then attending the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation’s reception at Queen’s Park where they were launching their report, “Earlier Detection and Diagnosis of Breast Cancer” from the “It’s About Time Conference”.  I am participating as a member in a committee that they have and have offered to help in any way to change the legislation so that women 40 to 49 have better access to the best quality screening available in Ontario. That’s why my story appeared in the Women and Cancer section of the Toronto Star on September 23, 2010. Although some may be getting tired of my story or don’t like to hear it anymore, I will continue to tell my story until things change. And hopefully it helps others to be proactive about getting screened.

I did feel a little badly about not buying my niece Katie dinner after the reception, but I had to drive back to Amherstburg and get home before my company arrived for Thanksgiving weekend. Traffic was light and I even had time to pick up a few groceries for breakfast before my cousin Ann and her husband Jim showed up in my driveway shortly after midnight.

Yes, they had come all the way from Arizona to spend Thanksgiving with us, for two reasons. First, Ann and Jim wanted to see the rest of the family, especially my parents, and secondly, Jim absolutely loves turkey dinners.

And let’s just say that Jim was truly in heaven by the time they left. Ann and I (yes, moi) made the turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes on Friday for dinner. Joe of course helped with the mashed potatoes and gravy. And I cheated a bit with store made pies. But all in all, it was a great meal at my parents and Cathy, Brian and Harley, also were able to join us.

And as you may recall the weather on Thanksgiving weekend was incredible in southwestern Ontario. It was so nice, that there was time for swimming, yes, swimming in my parents’ outdoor pool. I do have to admit that my dad had the heater turned up to about 90 degrees though!

It was a busy weekend, but truly a lot of fun. After turkey sandwiches for lunch on Saturday we decided we needed a break and we all went out for dinner at Riccardo’s on Saturday night. Tina and Verna joined us in our Italian outing, and we convinced my dad that it was his turn to cook, so he picked up the bill!

On Sunday, Joe made homemade quiche for brunch, and we had another invited guest, Fr. Ted Johnson, who once was priest in our parish.  It was a very spirited breakfast discussion and left me with a lot to think about, especially the role of women in the church. It turned out that Fr. Ted’s birthday was the next day, so Joe made a pumpkin cheesecake to mark the event. Breakfast was barely over when Joe had the turkey in the oven for dinner. Jim was definitely enjoying his stay in Canada!

Now they say it is something in the turkey that makes you sleepy, but in this case it may have been the cheesecake at breakfast, because Ann and Jim decided to take a nap before dinner instead. I think the time change was a bit difficult for them and perhaps I was keeping them a bit too busy. They did get up in time to make it to the pool again for another afternoon of swimming. To be truthful though, Ann doesn’t usually swim, so she visited with Terry poolside while the rest of us pretended to get some exercise.

My brother-in-law Joe is a fabulous cook, and Thanksgiving dinner was no exception. He made it look truly effortless as he put the entire dinner on the table with little help. I had offered, but I think he thought it was more helpful if I stayed out of his way!

Thanksgiving was truly a weekend to be grateful for all of our blessings. My cousin Ann survived and has almost fully recovered from the auto accident in which she broke her neck and I have survived breast cancer. Terry made it through her gall bladder surgery and is on the road to recovery. And in addition my parents remain in good health and were able to celebrate 50 years of marriage this year. Yes, Thanksgiving was truly a time to show our gratitude for all of the good things in life.

Ann and Jim had to head back to Arizona on Tuesday, so it was a short but great visit. Everyone talked about going to visit them in Arizona this winter, so we shall see what happens….

The last few weeks of October have been busy with work again for the Tribunal and I found myself at a hearing in Guelph for ten days. Although I had all good intentions of exercising every day, I must admit it was more like every other day. The good news is that I have recognized the importance of enough sleep every night and I am keeping my commitment to make my health a priority in my life!

The last weekend of October involved a quick visit to London to catch up with some friends. Jo-Anne and I headed up to do a little shopping and to meet up with Sylvia after her hockey game in Kitchener. We were also able to meet up with Cathy and Wendy in London and have a girls dinner out on Saturday! Did we ever feel old walking by all of the young people dressed up for Hallowe’en standing in line to get into some of the local establishments. I should be careful how I use the words dressed up, because some didn’t have many clothes on at all and it was pretty chilly out! To be young and somewhat foolish…it seems like a very long time ago…

Hard to believe that October is over, but I guess it is, so Happy Hallowe’en!

The Vision Board

I had every intention of completing my “Vision Board” at the cottage in July when I was alone for a few days, but I found myself much too busy with cleaning, relaxing and quiet thoughts!

Believing that I had figured out some answers to the future, August started off with gusto. And once back in Amherstburg I quickly settled into my morning routine of walking and weight training, rewarded by a breakfast protein shake; I truly believed that I was on the right track.

So I was definitely in the right frame of mind to work on my Vision Board as I boarded a plane for Boise, Idaho. Yes indeed, Boise, Idaho. You are probably wondering why and so was I at first, so I will explain a bit.

Jim, who is the husband of my cousin Ann, had a goal to climb the highest point in each of the United States and believe it or not, but Idaho was to be his last one. So the plan was to gather friends and family at a Ranch in Idaho, so we could all celebrate Jim’s successful completion of his 50^th high point.

So that is why I found myself on a plane to Boise, Idaho – where I was scheduled to land at approximately the same time as Dr. Wayne and Judi, from Flagstaff. They had graciously agreed to my company in their car on the way to the ranch, which was about four hours away.

Along the way we had the opportunity to experience some incredible landscape and stopped at Craters of the Moon, where we took in a historical film and learned a bit about the area. We also stopped in a small town to make a quick visit to the local gas/convenience/liquor store to pick up some champagne and supplies. The gentlemen in line seemed quite fascinated by Judi’s purchase of wine, champagne, orange juice and peanut butter that they actually stepped aside to allow us to complete our transaction ahead of them. Little did I realize at the time that we were in the heart of relatively “dry” country and two women purchasing alcohol was probably an oddity of sorts!

Even with our scenic detour we arrived at the Wild Creek Ranch ahead of the others; the good news was that we had received instructions on how to get inside before we lost blackberry service! It was a very welcoming place to stay because we entered by an unlocked kitchen door! We had no trouble finding our rooms in the pool house and quickly settled in. We had just poured ourselves a glass of wine and were enjoying the incredible surroundings when Ann, Jim and Katie (their daughter) arrived with tons of supplies for the next four days!

Honestly I am just not very adventurous by nature, so as Jim and Katie went off to climb the mountain, I got up and went for a four mile walk on much flatter terrain. It was a truly gorgeous morning, with crisp mountain air, and the sun just beginning to warm things up. It felt a bit like being in a western movie as I walked along the gravel road quietly.

However the silence didn’t last long, and the ranch soon became a very busy place with 14 of us in total, including four children under the age of ten....so let’s just say that I welcomed that little bit of solitude during my morning walks!

And I also freely admit that I bailed on the white water rafting trip to the Salmon River on the Friday for several reasons, but mainly I was truly afraid of injuring my left arm which is only about 90% back to normal and also because I selfishly wanted some quiet time to enjoy the surroundings.

It was a perfect afternoon to sit outside, surrounded by the mountains, and finish reading the book about creating my “Vision Board”. Now some may be asking what a Vision Board is – and that is a good question – but it is supposed to help you identify your life goals. The idea is that you create a board with words and pictures of things that are important to you that will inspire and guide you along your path in life.

Only there was one slight problem for me, and it was quite intimidating at first; I was never very good in art class and have always shied away from anything that is even slightly creative. The good news is that your Vision Board can be created without pictures if you want; by using words; phrases; or ideas.

Reflecting about my future with a glass of wine while breathing the clean mountain air certainly provided some clarity about life – even without definite answers about the future. I was truly at peace as I realized that life will unfold as it should in the coming months. The questions that I have about work, reconstruction surgery and life in general will all be answered in due time.

It was a lot of fun to celebrate Jim’s successful climb. In fact, he climbed it twice that weekend, not because it was an easy climb; but because his friend John from Italy and Phil from Oregon came to join him in the climb as well! I however, avoided “chicken out ridge” and stuck to the flatter terrain on Saturday as well.

I left Idaho without all of the answers about the future, but that was ok, because I now understood that my Vision Board would be a work in progress.

When God Winks At You

Hot summer July days are just what the doctor ordered. Well not really, but when you think about it, they make you tired and thirsty, so you drink lots of water and get plenty of rest. At least that is my theory for surviving the heat!

 

I used to love the heat and warm summer days, and truly I still do, but I am not sure that it loves me anymore. To keep up my daily walking I have to get up very early to avoid the heat. So suffice it to say, some days I have opted for sleep over exercise on very hot humid days!

 

July started off with both a wedding and a bridal shower on the same weekend.  And both were truly beautiful events. Darcie and Shane were married on the shore of Lake Erie at the historical John R. Park Homestead, and it was both romantic and stunning. They were blessed with incredible weather and fantastic memories to start off their married life.

 

Julia’s bridal shower also brought together family and friends to celebrate her upcoming wedding. She has become a beautiful young lady and will make a caring and compassionate physician one day. It is hard for me to believe that the little girl that I taught to play the piano many years ago is now getting married and soon will be practicing medicine.

 

Both events certainly provided a chance for me to pause and think about life. Two young women starting out, with hopes and dreams of health, happiness and prosperity in married life. I wish them both all of that, but most importantly, I wish them both good health. It truly is something that you take for granted until you don’t have it. I know that I did. And by that I don’t mean that I abused my health in any way, in fact, just the opposite. I tried to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep (ok, I wasn’t always successful there); however I also thought by doing this that I could work 18 hours a day and life would be just fine. I never really took the time to stop and truly appreciate the good health that I once had.

 

So as the first weekend in July drew to a close, I tried to focus on the health law course that I was taking. However the cases that I was reading about potential problems in health care or lack of proper diagnosis were hitting too close to home and reminding me of my own delayed diagnosis. Whatever the reason, I decided that the essay that was due could be put on hold for another day so my friends could join me in watching the July 4^th fireworks across the river from my porch. One of the advantages of living on the Detroit River is that you can watch both the Canadian and American fireworks displays. While watching the fireworks with my friends, I found myself deep in thought and very appreciative of the company on my porch. If I have learned anything at all this past year it is that my friends are very, very important, and that I must treasure every opportunity to spend with them.

 

Monday brought me back to my regular routine of an early morning walk before attempting to accomplish a number of errands. Some days I put an awful lot of things on my "To Do" list and this day was no exception. After meeting with Paul about my floor (yes, my construction is still ongoing), stopping by my accountant’s office, talking to the town about the property next door, a few calls about breast reconstruction and working on my essay, it was time for a bit of exercise and a swim at my parents. It was also a chance to visit with Linda and Ralph who were visiting from Ottawa for a few days on their way out west. I didn’t stay long once my swim was finished because I was determined to get my essay outline finished. Of course a case about a cancer diagnosis led me to the internet and somehow I ended up surfing the net for more information on breast reconstruction. This is definitely not the best thing to do before heading to bed and it certainly didn’t help me to finish my essay outline!

 

Every now and then I have what I now call a “me” day, and Tuesday was one of those. After my annual physical, I did a bit of shopping for the cottage, before heading to my hair appointment. Yes, a real, live hair appointment. My friend Michele is going to assist in getting the grey out of my hair. A year ago this would have upset me, but today, I love the idea that I actually have enough hair that I have to worry about colouring it! Of course it is still very, very short, but it is coming back in and that is all that matters now. It is a sign of recovery and good health in my opinion. So afterwards, I allowed myself to celebrate by having dinner with Linda and Ralph at my sister’s house.

 

Wednesday was a chance for a walk to the gym to use the weights very early in the morning. It was a great way to start the day and I was energized to make great progress on my essay, before joining my parents and Linda and Ralph for dinner. I also fit in a swim before returning to work on my essay.

 

Getting up early the next day meant I could start the day with a long walk and a bit of work on my essay before lunch by Sylvia’s pool. Unfortunately I had to cut the afternoon fun a bit short to participate in a conference call for the tribunal, but it also meant that I was able to do a little work on my essay before joining Jo-Anne for her birthday dinner. I love it when my friends catch up in age with me because I feel so-o-o-o much younger!

 

Dinner was also a chance to talk a little bit about heading north to the cottage in the coming days. And of course the conversation about the pleasure craft operator’s card, reminded me that our boat up north needed the license number on the side. Unfortunately we couldn’t find the old license number so I had to make a trip to Service Canada to request a new license number. I arrived just before closing on Friday to discover that I also required a declaration signed by my father, who is the owner of the boat. This meant another trip back on the following Monday to get the necessary license or risk a fine!

 

A rather hectic Friday ended on a very positive note as I joined my new friend Jen for dinner at her house. She has also gone through a very similar experience with breast cancer this past year. It is quite nice to relax and talk with another breast cancer patient and compare notes. There are often many similarities, but also many differences.  She truly has her act together and has a great vision on where her life is going now. She also is a really good cook, so dinner was delicious and a lot of fun!

 

Now getting ready for the cottage can be a busy time all on its own. To start with our family cottage is on an island in northern Ontario, which means that you have to bring everything with you. And when I say everything, I mean absolutely everything. So in between exercise and working on my essay, I started to assemble some items for the cottage on Saturday and Sunday, but it was a very busy weekend.  Cathy and Shelby came down to help celebrate our dad’s 86^th birthday on Sunday, so we had both a family breakfast and dinner at Terry and Joe’s (thank goodness Joe likes to cook!). I also visited Charlene and Alex at Jo-Anne and Ron’s and went for a swim somewhere in between!

 

Monday was the deadline day I established long ago for the health essay exam. It actually was not officially due until Friday, but I was leaving Tuesday for the cottage, so I had to get it finished and I did. Of course once it was finished I thought about a number of changes I could make (and some I did) before sending the final version off by email and express post!

 

With my essay in the mail, I was able to relax a little bit and concentrate on packing for the cottage. I didn’t quite leave at my preferred time of departure, but I was on the road by 3:15 Tuesday afternoon. I stopped in Chatham to pick up a few things for the cottage from my cousin Tom before he left his office. And I actually arrived at the motel in Orillia around 9:45pm, had plenty of time to draft a letter for a friend and was still able to get a good night’s sleep.

 

There is something about the northern air that I truly love. Because when I walked out to the car the next morning the air was fresh and crisp and I felt quite energized. As I drove towards North Bay, I didn’t even mind the construction delays. They are progress and mean that people are working; all good things in this economy.

 

Since we have been going to our cottage for almost 40 years, perhaps I should explain a bit before I make assumptions. When we purchased the small island with my cousin’s family it was just an island with trees and rocks. So for the first few years we stayed in tents while we cleared the land and built the cottage. It was probably one of the best experiences I had growing up. We hauled lumber, cleared brush, moved rocks, and had a great time. Today, the fruits of that labour are the cottage we enjoy with docks and a sundeck.

 

I mentioned earlier that the cottage is on an island which also means that we don’t have electricity or city water, although we do have solar lights and a propane fridge and stove. And yes we have an indoor bathroom but the outhouse is truly the second choice if you can’t wait! We also do not have hot water unless you boil it on the stove, so that usually means that you go for a quick dip to bathe.

 

So on Wednesday morning I arrived in North Bay in plenty of time to do the traditional grocery shopping for a few items including fresh fruit and vegetables, milk and bread. Jo-Anne and Curtis Bas arrived from their trip to Bancroft around 1:30 and we headed to the landing. Our good friend Ralph, who keeps our boat for us, had offered to help me set up a couple things at the island the first day. Although I tried to help out, Jo-Anne and Curtis did most of the heavy lifting in moving our belongings from the cars to the dock. And by the time we loaded the boats and parked the vehicles at Ralph and Naydene’s, it was after three, but we were totally relaxed because it was an incredibly beautiful sunny hot day. In fact the water was just like glass without a ripple. Perhaps this was an indication of what was to come but lets just say I couldn’t have predicted the afternoon’s events if I had tried…..

 

We hadn’t gone more than a mile when the boat just stopped. I was following Ralph in his boat, so he circled back and we tried to get it going again without much success. At first he was going to tow us back to the landing, but then he decided to anchor the boat and take the stuff in his boat out to the cottage. Jo-Anne was definitely a trooper as she stayed with the boat in the hot sun and Curtis and I joined Ralph in his boat. After two trips to the island, Ralph was now able to pull the empty boat back to the landing.

 

Two hours later, after checking the coil, the spark plugs, the carburetor, and a number of other things the boat roared to life. Ralph did check with my brother-in-law Joe on what might be wrong, but they both agreed if the boat was running we should go for it. So Jo-Anne, Curtis and I jumped in and headed out to the cottage. It was almost 8:30 in the evening when we arrived which didn’t leave a lot of daylight, but we were able to get the boards off the windows, the solar lights turned on, and the bathroom in semi-working order by using pails of water, before we took a quick dip in the lake and made dinner. Sleep came easy that night that much I know for sure!

 

The next morning Jo-Anne and I had a few more challenges to deal with. We needed to get the water line hooked up and the pump going. Fortunately our closest neighbours came by just before noon, and Mr. Schuetter, with Adrian, Jo-Anne and MaryAnn’s help was able to get the pump going for us. We were now in business because we had running water and the dead bolt back on the cottage door. The boat also started on the first try, so we headed to the landing to pick up the rest of the things we had brought and to get some more gas. After dinner we had a bit of time to clean a few things before we headed to the lake for a quick dip again. It was another night where sleep came quite easily for me. Perhaps it was the fresh air or maybe it was all the work we accomplished, whatever it was the tamoxifen didn’t interfere with a good night’s sleep.

 

Just when you think things are going really well, there is always another surprise. Friday morning was busy with more cleaning, a bit of organizing and putting the now famous license numbers on one side of the boat. However when we all got in the boat the engine wouldn’t start; the battery was dead. The good news was that Ron had sent a battery pack we could use to jump the boat and it actually worked! The bad news was we were a bit late getting to the landing and our shopping in North Bay became quite a quick expedition. We had several stops including a trip to Canadian Tire for two new boat batteries before we picked up my parents at the airport in North Bay. Somehow it all worked out and we got back to the island in time to have a nice dinner and enjoy the sunset!

 

When we were kids we hated leaving the island to go to North Bay for supplies because it always took up the entire day. And truthfully I still do hate leaving because it still does take up the entire day, but as an adult you know these things need to be done. So Curtis and I got up early on Saturday and headed for North Bay to pick up some lumber, return the old boat batteries, and pick up some minnows and gas, but most importantly to pick up Ron at the landing. Curtis was very excited to see his dad and couldn’t wait to go fishing, so after we got back to the cottage and had dinner, the guys all went fishing.  Of course we all laughed when it was my dad who caught the first fish of the trip! He didn’t have any of the new fishing equipment that Ron and Curtis had invested in!

 

Sunday was Jo-Anne and Ron’s 23^rd wedding anniversary, and I truly appreciated that they were willing to spend it at the cottage on Island J. They didn’t have much privacy in our rustic cottage, but my mom did suggest to Jo-Anne that she probably should get more action after 23 years of marriage! Jo-Anne and I howled at this, because coming from my 82 year old mother it was truly quite funny. Of course it became the slogan of the trip and my mother tried to deny ever saying it, but it brought a smile every time it came up! Sunday was also a day for relaxation down on the sun deck, before a great meal of salmon cooked on cedar planks and peach crisp! Of course a day at the cottage wouldn’t be complete without a round of Yukor (McGregor rules of course) before bedtime!

 

Ron and Curtis were truly determined to fish every minute of the day that they could and they were out in the boat before breakfast the next morning. It was tough, but Jo-Anne and I were able to convince Ron to cut the lawn and then help us put in the floating raft before heading out again. We were going to build the railing ourselves, but Ron offered to help, and pretty soon I was just a spectator in the event. I did get the beer and somehow I also ended up with a sliver in my hand, but all in all, the new railing looks pretty good!

 

It was great to go for a swim knowing that our major chores for the week were almost over and that we could now enjoy our leisure time however we wanted. And swimming in the lake was more than just a bath for me; it had to be my exercise at the cottage as well. So even though it was much colder than my parents’ pool, I swam for about 30 minutes every day to try to keep my body in shape. I also brought some hand weights to work on my arm exercises and Curtis was able to use them to help do his exercises to get ready for hockey this fall!

 

The days at the cottage went by much too quickly, between sleeping in, breakfast brunches, and drinks down by the dock and gourmet dinners (Jo-Anne is a great cook!). We even had homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies to offer the Leardi’s and the Wolff’s when they stopped by one cloudy afternoon to visit.  I was truly amazed at the stamina that Ron and Curtis had for fishing. Several times we had to literally pull them out of the boat to come and eat dinner!

 

My parents left on a flight on Thursday evening, so Jo-Anne and I took them to the airport while Ron and Curtis stayed at the Schuetter chalet for the afternoon with the Leardi’s and the Wolff’s. It was sad to see my parents leave, but I truly think they had a nice time and were ready to get back to their warm swimming pool and real showers! On our way back Jo-Anne and I stopped in at the Schuetter chalet for apple crisp with Sylvia and Mary Ann while the guys were out fishing. And not to disappoint Curtis, there was one last round of Yukor on his last night on Island J.

 

Ron had wanted to get an early start, but everyone was still sleeping at 9:20! So needless to say that after breakfast and a quick swim with Jo-Anne, the Bas family wasn’t ready to leave the landing until noon. I decide to pick up some more gas before heading back to the cottage. And yes, if you are adding things correctly, I went back to the cottage alone. No one actually thought this was really a good idea but since Sylvia and her family were not far away at their cottage I decided it would be fine.

 

The next six days turned out to be a wonderful experience for me. Each morning I would spend a few hours cleaning cupboards or floors while listening to CBC radio, then I would read a book before heading over to Sylvia’s for a swim and dinner, and return before dark to read a bit more before getting a good night’s sleep. Docking the boat alone was a new experience, but I was actually able to do it even on the very windy days. The cottage was incredibly quiet and peaceful at times, and at other times it was a bit lonely after all of the activity, but my body truly enjoyed the time it had to rest.

 

I also had plenty of time to think. A year ago I had gone to the cottage not knowing that I had breast cancer but suspecting something wasn’t quite right. I truly thought that I had a cyst, and never in my wildest imagination could I have predicted the year that I have had. While I read the book “When God Winks at You” it truly struck home. There have been so many incredible signs over the past year that things will work out and that life will evolve. Every time I have felt down and out, someone or something positive has come into my life to pick me up.

 

And here is just one example of either God winking at me or a strange coincidence. Everyone had tried to instill a fear in me that there might be a bear on the island if I stayed alone. Of course no one worried while we were all there together, and we have never had a bear on the island before, but everyone still tried. On my first full day alone on the island, just as I was getting ready to head over to Sylvia’s for a swim, I made a quick cell call to my parents to say hello. While I was on the phone, I noticed a large animal swimming towards the island, and at first I panicked because I thought it was a bear, but as it got closer I quickly realized it was a bull moose. It was truly majestic to see. The water was calm, like the first day we arrived, and it looked as if the moose was actually walking through the water instead of swimming. He passed right in front of the dock as he headed toward the large piece of land nearby. I scrambled to find my camera and get down to the dock to take a picture.

 

Why do I say this is a strange coincidence? I have only ever seen a moose in our bay once before, and it was 14 years ago. It was a moose with a young one swimming next to it. I remember telling our friend Ken about it, and he wanted to know why I hadn’t taken care of it so we could have dinner. He was kidding of course, but he was definitely into hunting. Ken was our dear friend who helped us at the landing with our boat, came out to visit with his wife Naydene and cooked an annual fish fry for us. We would make the potatoes and sweet corn and he would bring the fish! He even tried for several years to teach me how to tie a boat knot properly (unsuccessfully I might add). Ken passed away in 1997, but when I saw that moose in front of the island, I knew instantly that I would be ok alone on the island. I knew that someone was watching over me. And it truly felt like it was Ken winking at me!

Keep Moving Forward

A couple years ago, ok, perhaps several years ago, I went to see a movie called “Meet the Robinsons” and the message throughout was “Keep Moving Forward”, and that is what I am truly trying to do. Some days it is certainly easier than others.

 

I was warned by a few friends who are breast cancer survivors that when all of the official treatment ends, I may find myself feeling a bit anxious. And that is very true.  After months of tests, treatment and doctors appointments all is very eerily quiet on that front. It truly is very surreal and hard to deal with at times. And at other times, like when I am working on this take home exam for the health law course it feels like I am moving forward with life very quickly.

 

But then I stop and wonder what exactly does that mean; to move forward with life? Trying to stay healthy and also trying to figure out my next employment move is difficult indeed. Do I stay in Amherstburg and look for work? Or do I look elsewhere in Ontario or even abroad? So I have decided to take one day at a time, focus on my health, and see what opportunities there may be. Oh, and do my absolute best not to stress about the future. If my cancer journey has taught me anything at all, it certainly has taught me that I must appreciate each and every day.

 

You may be wondering what I have been doing that has kept me too busy to update my blog. Some days I wonder that myself, but I do know that the last few weeks have flown by. So what exactly have I been up to…?

 

When I arrived back in Amherstburg for the long weekend in May, I discovered a crack in my ceiling in the room which contains my piano. It didn’t look serious at first, but I couldn’t really understand why there was a crack in the newest part of my house. Was it from settling? Was there blasting or pounding with the construction next door? However, it wasn’t long before I learned that the crack was actually caused from a leaky roof. I had no idea how much water could sit in your ceiling before it would cause a crack. Now if you have ever had a leaky roof then you will understand what happened next. Drywall had to be removed, insulation had to be removed, the wood had to be sprayed for mold, and then everything had to be put back together again. Suffice it to say that I got to know the construction team in my house!

 

And since I try to start each day with some exercise, the positive part of this new problem was that it forced me to get up early every day so that I could fit in my exercise before the construction team arrived at my house. I also decided to help the environment by walking to the gym instead of driving. It is actually best that I get there early before the sun is too hot; otherwise my fellow workout partners are not too impressed with me.

So between my roof issue, my new exercise routine, my take home exam, and catching up with friends, the last ten days of May were just plain busy. And before I knew it I was boarding a plane for Winnipeg.

 

Jo-Anne came with me for a quick trip to Winnipeg. And although the purpose was to meet with a reconstruction doctor, we actually ended up having a lot of fun. She had never been to Winnipeg, so we walked down to the Forks; had a glass of sangria at an outdoor patio; and had dinner back at the hotel. A friend from Winnipeg met us for a drink and we had a great discussion about breast cancer treatment and reconstruction options in Ontario and in Manitoba. Reconstruction is something that I know that I want to have; however, my options are somewhat limited because of my body shape and previous back injuries, so I am continuing to research possibilities.

 

And as you know, my first priority each and every day is exercise, so the morning of the appointment we decided to walk to the doctor’s office. The concierge seemed very concerned about this and tried to convince us to take a taxi. But I was determined to get my exercise in, so we walked. It perhaps wasn’t the nicest part of town, but we made it safe and sound.

 

After a long meeting and lots of new information from the physician and his team about reconstruction, we went for lunch and then took another walk back to the Forks. While sitting on a bench in the warm sunshine a bird pooped on me and my friend Jo-Anne assured me that this was a sign of good luck. I certainly hope that she is right!

 

It was a long plane ride back to Windsor, and with weather delays, we didn’t get back to Amherstburg until 1:45 am! However, I did get up the next morning and walk to the gym to do weight training before the construction team arrived. And while they were inside my house, I sat on the porch outside to work on my exam and make some phone calls. Deciding that I needed a break later in the day, I had a nap and then went for a swim at my parents before returning to work on my take home exam.

 

After my morning walk to the gym, Friday was my day to finish up all the loose ends for estate tax stuff, some banking, and a couple meetings for potential work opportunities. The highlight of the day was stopping at Barb and Dave’s for hors d’ouevres in the late afternoon, before heading home to work on the exam.

 

An uneventful weekend started with a long walk and weight training at the gym. I dedicated the weekend to working on my take home exam and I was partially successful. I did get sidetracked by the beautiful weather and persuaded to go for a swim at my parents on Saturday and Sunday. However I can truly justify a swimming break as it is good for me and is helping me to regain movement in my left arm.

 

On Monday I got up very early so that I could fit my walk and weight training in before driving to Burlington. It was a nice drive and when I arrived I was able to treat myself to a long overdue pedicure (it was a birthday present). I also had dinner with a friend from Kitchener. We got to know one another many years ago as young liberals, and although we have gone our separate directions, it was great to catch up and reminisce.

 

Tuesday was a busy day, and I decided to take the GO train into Toronto for my early morning meetings before my appointment with the plastic surgeon. Cathy met me for lunch before the appointment and came with me. She did her best to keep me calm, but when we start discussing the options for reconstruction I do get a bit anxious. The good news is that there might be some options; the bad news is that Ontario may not do the surgery that is best for my body type. There will have to be another appointment to review the different surgeries and options in the next six weeks or so. It was definitely difficult to fall asleep that night as I thought about what option might be best for me. 

 

The next morning came early so that I could meet up with a friend for coffee before taking the GO train into Toronto for another meeting. By strange coincidence Cathy was also GO training it into Toronto for a meeting and we were able to travel back on the same train. Later in the day I ended up driving back to Amherstburg and talking with a couple friends along the way (hands free of course!). I also have a new CD book tape to listen to by Dr. Oz’s wife, and it is actually pretty interesting so far.

 

Determined to get in better shape, on Thursday morning I got up and walked to the gym to use the weights. Not long after I had returned home the restoration crew arrived at my house to finish the drywall and put things back together. It didn’t feel like I accomplished much, but I decided to take pride in the fact that I had made it to the gym and back.

 

The next few days were dedicated to finishing the exam. Have I mentioned yet how difficult it is to be a student again after 20 years? I truly enjoy the reading and the class sessions, but the stress of exams is something I definitely could do without! Although it is helping to sharpen my reasoning and analytical skills once again, and the topics have been truly interesting so far.

 

Even with the exam to finish, I did manage to fit in my exercise each morning and a fundraising dinner for cancer. A good friend (who is motivated by my recent bout with cancer) is walking in the Weekend to End Women’s Cancer in September. Together with a member of her team, she organized a fundraising dinner which was a lot of fun and took me away from the exam for several hours!

 

I will have to admit that part of the pressure of finishing the exam came because of a previous commitment that I had made to go to Ottawa for a few days. In the end, it was actually a good kind of pressure, because the exam was finished (almost) and I could head off to Ottawa with a clear head. And it was a great trip to Ottawa. I had dinner with some of my former colleagues, caught up with some friends for coffee and lunch, and attended a reception with many familiar faces! There was a work element to the trip, but I didn’t let that get in the way of enjoying myself.

 

The trip back to Amherstburg was broken up by a visit to Toronto for my follow up appointment with my oncologist. While we were waiting to see my oncologist we had a room with a window and the strangest thing happened. There was a gopher and her baby just outside our room. I say this is strange because some of you may have watched the Caddy Shack movie and remember the song “I’m all right”. Well a friend of mine had given me a battery operated gopher that sings this song a while back. It was very strange to see these Gophers outside of the room. And the good news was that I am all right, my cancer treatment is officially over aside from the Tamoxifen and my life is moving forward. Cathy and I went out for lunch to celebrate after; it was our best visit to the hospital so far.

 

Once back in Amherstburg I quickly fell into a new routine. Exercise in the morning, some reading for my next health law course, perhaps a swim at my parents or a visit with friends. I am also doing a little more cooking and I invited my family over for Father’s day brunch to sample a new egg dish recommended by my friend Sylvia.

 

It has truly been an extremely busy month. My first priority is my health, which means exercise and sleep, but after that there has been a lot going on. Both high school and my course finished around the same time and Shelby came down to visit Katie. The three of us went to the mall, had some dinner and went to see Toy Story 3. It made me feel a little old that the main character Andy has grown up and is going off to college; however it was a lot of fun to hang out with my two 18 year old nieces. But I will admit that I was tired when my head hit the pillow that night.

 

The end of June also finished with a lot of activity. There was a wine tasting event at CREW winery that had a silent auction that raised some money for cancer research. A couple friends celebrated their birthdays in June and I found time for a glass of wine, yes only one, which is my new limit. There was also preparation and a trip to Guelph for the tribunal hearing at the end of June, but the good news was that I made it home in time for Katie’s graduation.

 

Yes, the month of June has flown by, but the really good news is that my house is almost back in order and my second course is finished except for the exam portion which is a fifteen page essay. I have a new strategy to tackle this exam and the other items on my list of things to do in the month of July. If I allow myself to rest when I need it and if I plan activities that I look forward to, then I am much more productive throughout the day.  This strategy will allow me to keep moving forward in a very positive way. And what better way to start the month of July than with a celebration for Canada Day.

 

Canada Day is definitely a time to be thankful for living in such a great country. Eight years ago, I spent Canada Day in Afghanistan as Minister for International Cooperation. And not a year goes by when I don’t think about the Canada Day that I spent there and what is happening in that country today. There is a special place in my heart for all of the men and women from Canada that are trying to make Afghanistan a better place.

 

And on this Canada Day I definitely had a lot to be thankful for right here at home. I know that the fact that I am on the road to a full recovery is partly a result of our health care system. The other part is the support that I have received from family and friends. In traditional Canada Day style my friends and family came over for a barbecue, but they brought all of the food! So we celebrated surrounded by red and white on my porch and capped the day by watching the fireworks that evening on the Detroit River.

 

Hoping you all had a very Happy Canada Day as well!

Radiation on My Birthday

Timing is everything, or so they say. And from the moment I learned that I would have eight rounds of chemo, three weeks apart, followed by surgery 4 to 6 weeks later, then 25 rounds of radiation 4 to 6 weeks after surgery, I did my absolute best to avoid radiation on my birthday. I made sure that I stayed well enough to have all of my chemo on time, that my surgery was at the earliest possible date, and that I followed all instructions for a quick recovery. In my ideal world, radiation would have ended April 30^th, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be, so now I will have radiation on my birthday!

 

My birthday week actually started out on the Sunday with an open house for my parent’s 50^th wedding anniversary. Friends and family helped to prepare baked goods for the afternoon event and the ladies from the seniors group at the Verdi Club also surprised us with baked goods, so there was plenty! As long as you weren’t watching calories you didn’t leave hungry. It was a great afternoon and many of my parent’s friends and relatives stopped by to wish them well. No sooner was it finished and it was time for me to head back up the highway.

 

I was determined that things would run on time for my last week of radiation and if I could help to make this happen then I was certainly going to try. So Monday morning I was up bright and early. I arrived at the hospital at 8:15, and was able to see the dermatologist as soon as I arrived. The good news is that my rash has faded and isn’t itchy anymore. The bad news is that we still aren’t sure what caused it exactly. So there will be further consultation with my oncologist before I start the Tamoxifen again.

 

Radiation ran close to the scheduled time, and before I knew it I was driving back on a beautiful, sunny day to Burlington to have lunch with Cathy and Michele. Getting together was not only an opportunity to thank Michele in person for sending Lance Armstrong’s book, but also a chance to compare our breast cancer experiences. Michele truly understood my anxiety as I get closer to the finish line of my treatment plan and she reassured me that it was normal to feel this way.  She also had some great advice on how I should take care of myself as time goes forward.

 

I took a long walk after lunch and thought about everything that has happened to me over the past year. It truly has been a roller coaster ride, with both ups and downs, and unexpected twists and turns. Not really sure why I am on such a ride in life, but really trying to believe it is part of the big plan for me. I also reflect often on the quote someone sent me, when Mother Theresa was asked if it was true that God only gave us what we could handle, she replied “I wish God didn’t trust me so much.”  Whether this is an actual quote or not, I still think about it often.

 

And if there are things that I can do to influence the plan in life for me, then that’s what I intend to do. So after dinner I went to the gym for weight training and stretching.  I am determined to get back all of the mobility in my left arm.

 

Tuesday is a light day at the hospital for me and the only thing actually scheduled is my radiation treatment. However, after radiation I head over to Melmira for the dreaded bathing suit fitting. Since my rash is almost gone, there really is no reason to further delay this outing. And there is good news this time. The fitter is able to find several bathing suits that I like and that actually fit. It will be strange to swim with a prosthesis, but I guess I will get used to the idea soon enough. And after trying on bathing suits, I know that I definitely need to burn some extra calories, so I go for a very long walk once I am back in Burlington.

 

As a birthday treat, my sister Cathy insists on driving me to the hospital for radiation on Wednesday. And maybe they realize it is my birthday, or maybe things are just running smoothly, but whatever the reason they take me right on schedule! Although we have lunch plans Cathy isn’t in a rush to leave the hospital and normally I would think this is strange, but since it is my birthday I don’t think much about it.

 

Knowing it is my favorite food, Cathy picked a nice Italian restaurant for lunch. And thanks to radiation running on schedule we are now a bit early for our reservation, but they are able to accommodate us. As we order drinks I am thinking what a beautiful day it is and I am hoping to get back early so I can fit in a walk before dinner. While we are leisurely reviewing the menu and chatting, my friend Jo-Anne suddenly appears. What a surprise! She has driven all the way from LaSalle to have lunch with me on my birthday and I am truly surprised and touched by her efforts. We reminisce for a bit about my birthday last year, which we spent playing nine holes on the golf course. And then we laughed about how I play golf; not very well. It was also a chance to talk about moving forward and next steps, but most importantly, I was just able to enjoy spending time with Cathy and Jo-Anne at lunch on my birthday.

 

I didn’t fit in the walk, but did fit in my workout at the gym before dinner. Cathy and Brian had invited Paddy, Robbie and Andrew over for dinner to help celebrate, and it was a wonderful evening. Of course they all had a glass of wine or two, while I toasted my birthday with water, but I must admit that I did indulge in the World Class Chocolate Ice Cream Cake from Baskin Robbins. It was a great evening spent with family and friends. I had told everyone that I didn’t really want too much fuss about my birthday but they obviously didn’t listen.

 

Thursday morning came early. In addition to radiation today, I also have my fitness and bone density test as part of the exercise program for the clinical trial I am participating in. The bone density test indicated that although I lost some from the chemo, I was still in the average or above average range for my age. So with that good news, I head over to my fitness test. First I find out I weigh three pounds less than when I started (even after the ice cream cake). And just when I thought things were going to be easy, my efforts to avoid lymphodema suddenly present a challenge. Turns out not many organizations have blood pressure cuffs for your legs versus your arms. The plan was to have a cuff on me while I performed the fitness test on the bike. After a bit of discussion and consultation they figured it out and the test began. After pedaling my heart out, I was a bit dismayed to learn that I was only at 79% fitness level based on my breathing. However, when I discovered that’s where I was before I started chemo I didn’t feel too badly. Although I truly thought that I was in better shape ….

 

Friday couldn’t come soon enough, my last day of radiation. The good news is that I have radiation early in the morning, followed by a check up with the lymphodema clinic. The measurements reveal that there is some slight swelling in my left arm, but it is not very severe. I will need to wear a compression bandage on my arms when I fly as a precaution, but otherwise everything is fine.

 

On Friday, I was also invited to attend the Women’s Gala Luncheon for MS and it was a fitting way to mark the end of my treatment. It is an elegant and passionate event that raises money for a very important cause. In addition they honoured Phyllis Yaffe for her work with MS and she spoke from the heart about what life is like when someone you love has MS. The former President of Ireland, Mary Robinson, also gave a great speech about women in leadership positions, particularly in developing countries. I also had the chance to catch up with old friends also in attendance and to meet several interesting women at the table.

 

And then I had a goal in mind; to get back to Amherstburg, to my house, to have a glass of red wine. It sounds simple enough, but the traffic getting out of Toronto was horrendous, and then there were some torrential down pours along the 401. By the time I pulled into my driveway, it was after 9 pm. However, Jo-Anne and Ron didn’t let me down and came by for a glass of wine. We opened a bottle that my sister had given me at Christmas, from the “Hope” Winery in Australia. And “Hope” is what I have now that my radiation treatment is finished. Unfortunately I didn’t have any aged cheddar to go along with the wine, so we had to settle for a few ruffles potato chips! But the wine was great and the reason to toast even better!

 

I made absolutely no plans for Saturday morning so that I could sleep in. It was a great feeling not to have to set the alarm for once. However, I was in for a bit of a surprise. I woke up early with a pain on my left side and it didn’t seem to want to go away. At first I thought that I had slept on my side, but after I went for a long walk I realized that it still hurt, especially when I took a deep breath. Could it be the promised side affects from radiation? I didn’t remember anyone suggesting pain in my lung area, but I did remember signing something about the possibility of lung damage from the radiation. So I did some extra stretches and took it easy for the afternoon.

 

Saturday night was a double celebration with family and friends at Terry and Joe’s. Although it was dubbed my official birthday celebration, it was also to mark the end of my treatment. It was both a relaxing and busy evening. I have always enjoyed spending time with my family and friends, but after 9 months of treatment for breast cancer, you certainly appreciate the time together so much more. I hope that as the days go forward that I continue to take the time to appreciate my family and friends. I have to admit, that after spending so much time at the hospital in quiet zones, it did feel a bit strange to be in a room with so much excitement and chatter that I actually escaped into the living room just to sit in quiet reflective thought for a few minutes. Observing my family and friends made me realize how lucky I actually am to have them in my life and this caused me to realize that I am also now becoming wiser instead of older each year!

 

Although there was plenty of red wine to drink Saturday night, I only had two glasses, and just before bed I took a Tylenol to address this funny nagging pain on my left side. I was beginning to understand that the side affects will truly continue for up to two weeks as I gingerly got into bed.

 

Sunday was also Mother’s Day, but I convinced my sister Terry to come to the gym with me to use the weights. I felt kind of wimpy trying to work out and wincing in pain. I was beginning to think that I pulled something on my left side when I brought my luggage into the house Friday evening. A hot shower and some more stretching helped relieve the pain, so maybe it is the radiation tightening effects. I am hoping they subside soon.

 

Earlier in the week I had offered to take everyone out for Mother’s Day brunch at Pointe West. It was a good decision, because the food was delicious and it wasn’t too crowded, so we had a very nice time. And considering I didn’t have to cook or clean up, it was a great day in my books!

 

On Monday morning I woke up without a radiation or doctor’s appointment to go to. It was truly a nice feeling. I was able to walk to my manicure appointment, to meet about the property adjacent to my house and to begin to organize my house again. Barb and I had a chance to catch up over coffee at Starbuck’s after we picked up a bridal shower gift. And I headed over to Kirk and Cindy’s for a home cooked dinner before going home to prepare for the tribunal hearing the next day.

 

If it wasn’t for the pain on my left side I would have almost felt normal on Tuesday morning as I got ready to go to Kingsville for the pre hearing conference that I was to chair. I have always enjoyed working and although this is very part-time position, it felt good to be utilizing my skills as a lawyer. After the hearing I had another long drive in the rain back to Burlington. But when I arrived it was nice enough to go for a long walk before Shelby and I had dinner.

 

My plans for Wednesday were to finish the suggested readings for the Health Law course I was starting on Thursday. However, the time I had allocated and the number of readings I still had to do just didn’t match up. Deciding not to panic, I just plodded through what I could before taking a break to meet my friend Ed for lunch.

 

We had been trying to get together on a warm sunny day, but after a couple weeks of planning, we just gave up and picked a time and place. It was great to catch up and after a nice leisurely lunch, I was back at the books again. To stretch my legs and rest my brain, I also took a long walk before dinner. It was beginning to feel like I was back in law school again with all of the reading that I had to do, but this is what I signed up for in the course, so after dinner I continued to work my way through the readings. The good news is that the pain on my left side has started to diminish, but the tightness across my chest is still very intense.

 

Trying to accomplish two things at once, I decided to walk to the gym on Thursday morning. This way I get both my walk and weight training in before heading to Toronto. I figure that I am going to need the stretching and the exercise before dealing with the traffic. And just when I thought that I had everything under control my oil light comes on in my car, which caused a detour to the garage before heading to the highway.

 

Spending three days at an intensive course about Information Technology in Health Law turned into a great opportunity for me. I was able to expand my knowledge in this area and meet lawyers and health care professionals from across the country also interested in health issues. The individuals teaching the course were extremely well informed and encouraged questions and discussion. I had been worried about spending long hours in a class setting, but it actually worked out well. The only problem now is that I have this take home exam to complete...

 

Sunday is meant to be a day of rest, so that’s what I plan to do today, well almost… Paddy joins me for a long walk in the morning along the path by the water. Once I am back at the house, I have some breakfast, take a warm shower and then do some extra stretching to relieve the tightness. In the afternoon, I spend a couple hours at the tribute for Paddy’s years of service to her community. A bit of laundry, some reading, chatting on the phone with Sylvia and a nap on the couch is a great way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

 

Radiation, Radiation, Radiation....Is it Routine?

I am not sure exactly when I decided that radiation was going to be routine and an easy last step of my treatment at the hospital, but that’s what I was expecting. Smooth sailing. And appointments at the same time, each and every day, that run on time so that I can plan other events and meetings in my day. Life is on its way to some kind of normalcy! Or at least that was what I was hoping for.

 

To start off week two of radiation I got up bright and early on Monday morning and drove from Amherstburg to Toronto. I arrived on time only to discover that my radiation oncologist was at a conference, so I wasn’t going to have my appointment with the doctor. Eventually I did have my scheduled radiation, although it was over an hour later than expected. I was in desperate need of exercise by the time I got back to Cathy’s and she joined me on a walk into town.

 

Determined to have that normalcy in my life, I scheduled a lunch meeting on Tuesday before my radiation. It was a nice break from driving directly to the hospital for radiation. However after lunch radiation was running behind schedule so it was almost 5 pm when I arrived back in Burlington. I took a long walk into town and back to help calm me down after the somewhat stressful drive home. The fact we were having pizza for dinner, which is one of my favorite meals also helped improve my mood!

 

On Wednesday I was really lucky because Cathy had a meeting in Toronto so she dropped me off at the hospital. Afterwards I took a taxi to a coffee shop near her meeting. While I was sitting there enjoying my green tea, talking to Jo-Anne on my phone a former colleague walked by. Of course he didn’t expect to see me in a Toronto coffee shop and he also didn’t recognize me with my wig, but a few minutes later friends from Essex County, Mark and Linda, also walked by and they did recognize me! By strange coincidence Linda, also has gone through treatment for breast cancer recently. So we exchanged war stories over coffee. And although everyone’s treatment is slightly different, I truly think most patients could write a book about their own experiences…..

 

After my walk on Wednesday, I noticed that I was developing a strange rash on my arms. For a week or so I had some vague spots on my legs, but thought that was related to my hair growing back. So is this also what is happening on my arms now?

 

Radiation on Thursday was very early, so I had the fun of driving in during rush hour. For someone who is supposed to be reducing my stress level to stay healthy, some days it is just impossible. I can’t believe that thousands of people do this every day of their working life. The traffic can be unbearable. However, the good news about an early morning appointment is that it usually runs on time and it did!

 

April 15^th is also my mom’s birthday and perhaps that will help me remember my meeting with the plastic surgeon for a very long time. The appointment took a bit longer than expected, but I was able to ask a lot of questions about reconstruction. It also gave me options to think about as I continue with radiation over the next few weeks. However, my rash is looking worse and is starting to itch, so I contact Sharon, the nurse in charge of my case.

 

It was a good day to have scheduled coffee with a friend before heading back to Burlington. I definitely needed a break from my radiation routine and from thinking about plastic surgery options. We had a great time catching up and I truly enjoyed hearing about the challenges and activities of every day life. It also helped me to relax before the drive back in rush hour. And although I need exercise every day for my health, a two hour drive back to Burlington motivates me so that I go out for a long walk! I also stop at the drug store to pick up the gentle cleanser that is suggested to help with the rash that I am developing.

 

Radiation on Friday brings a great sigh of relief with it because I know that I have a break until Monday. My only problem is that I also need to meet with Sharon, the nurse in charge of my case to review this strange rash before I leave for Aburg. She didn’t like the look of it, so I also got to see the doctor working that day. He looked at the rash that was now all over my arms and legs. Not exactly sure what it could be, he suggested that I not use any soap or any lotion at all on my arms or legs for the weekend. He thought that I may be allergic to the detergent I was using to wash my clothes, but if I was it should be all over my body. Benadryl was suggested to help with the itch and the rash until Monday when I see my radiation oncologist.

 

As I was driving back to Amherstburg on the 401, Cathy was coming in the opposite direction, and we met for lunch along the way. I picked up the Benadryl at the local drug store on my way home and decided after I took it that I should walk to my manicure appointment. As Benadryl can make you drowsy, I didn’t want there to be any issues if I was driving.

 

Jo-Anne and Sylvia and I went out for dinner at Riccardo’s, where we had a great time. We practically closed the place because we couldn’t stop talking! I took some more Benadryl and fell fast asleep, but sometime in the middle of the night I woke up and had to jump in the shower to try to relieve the itchiness of the rash.

 

Since I have always enjoyed starting my day with exercise, on Saturday morning I got up and took a very long walk. Before I knew it, it was time for my friend Danielle to pick me up in her convertible. However it was a bit cold to have the top down, so we had to settle for driving with it up. We were off to have a celebratory lunch for the success of my surgery, and we found a nice place in Kingsville. We drove around several neighborhoods on the way back to Amherstburg, looking at houses along the water.

 

Saturday also meant it was time to look for my income tax receipts as tax day is drawing near. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be, and I found all of the bits of paper that I was looking for. I will admit that I did take a break to have dinner with my parents and Katie at Duck’s on the Roof. But sometime before midnight I found myself in a deep, sound sleep. I want to believe that I am sleeping well because I need the rest, but perhaps it was the Benadryl kicking in.

 

I actually made it to my favorite mass on Sunday morning; the early one and then I stopped at Sylvia’s to have tea before picking up my niece to go shopping for the day. Not exactly sure that I should count the exercise of walking in the mall as true exercise, but after four hours I am pretty sure that it has to count! It was nice to spend the day with my niece doing something that we have always enjoyed doing together: shopping! She was able to pick up some great items, and I enjoyed spending time with her.

 

By Sunday evening I could tell the anxiety about returning to Toronto for the next five treatments was creeping in. It was a good thing that Sylvia invited me over for more green tea because it truly helped to calm me down so that I could sleep. It seems strange to feel more anxious as the treatment goes on. I actually thought I would feel the opposite as I count down the numbers. Isn’t this supposed to be routine?

 

I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea, but getting up early on Monday morning to drive to Toronto for treatment is not easy. And since driving and Benadryl really don’t go together, I feel quite itchy by the time arrive at the hospital. However, this time my radiation oncologist is there for my appointment, and she is quite surprised to see the rash on my arms and legs. She is convinced that it isn’t the radiation but also doesn’t know what it is, so she refers me to the dermatologist who works part time in the Cancer Centre. She isn’t sure when I will actually be able to see him so for now I am advised to continue the Benadryl.

 

This week I had planned to return to Melmira to try on bathing suits, but with red itchy spots all over my arms and legs I cancel my appointment. Trying on bathing suits in the best of times can be a difficult and trying experience. Trying them on with a rash and breast prosthesis may just be unbearable. So instead, I return to Burlington and go for a very long walk to get my thoughts together. 

 

My trainer cancelled my appointment on Monday evening, so Tuesday morning, bright and early, I head to the gym with Cathy to do some weight training. It actually feels pretty good to work out in the morning; in fact, it almost feels normal because this is what I used to do back when I was working.

 

Today I have scheduled my wig hair cut after radiation. And let me tell you, this is stressful for me, because I know that it won’t grow back! But Juliet assures me that she has done this before, and when I leave two hours later I am pleased with the results. Now I just wonder how long it will take my own hair to grow to this length and style.

 

Perhaps I should have planned a night out on the town with the new cut, but instead I head out for a long walk (without my wig) before dinner to relax.

 

Wednesday morning I wake up feeling a bit anxious. Could it be the red itchy rash that I have is starting to make me feel anxious? Or is it the fact that I haven’t heard from the dermatologist yet and I am tired from taking Benadryl and oatmeal baths? Or is it the meeting I have scheduled after radiation to discuss my future? In the end I think it is a combination of all of the above, and I head off to radiation.

 

And just when I think the day is starting to get better, I get a message. My oncologist wants me to stop taking the Tamoxifen until a dermatologist has an opportunity to examine me.  This news, along with a very congested drive to Burlington doesn’t help the anxiety I am feeling. I do think in part the anxiety is caused by the fact I am also late to meet my friend James for coffee. And since I am avoiding caffeine these days, I know it isn’t the coffee that makes me feel wired.

 

My stress level hasn’t decreased and after dinner I almost crack, so I head out for a walk in the dark. And as fate would have it the dermatologist’s office calls me at 8 pm while I am out walking with an appointment for the next day. It must be fate, because I don’t recall ever receiving a call from a doctor’s office in the evening before….

 

The next morning I wake up early and happy thinking the dermatologist will solve my problem and the rash will disappear. I arrive at radiation early, only to have the machine slightly malfunction, which makes me late for my next appointment. But somehow things right themselves and I find myself at the dermatologist’s office right on time. Bad news is 2 percent of the population can develop a rash and he thinks it might be the Tamoxifen, but he isn’t 100 percent sure. He advises me to stay off the Tamoxifen until radiation is complete and then we will try it again. I leave with a prescription for some soothing lotion and extra strength reactin, a promise to see me on Monday at the Hospital clinic, and a heavy heart thinking I may be allergic to Tamoxifen.

 

Exercising at the gym and a long walk helps to lift my spirits. And today is also the day that Paddy introduces me to a friend of hers who has also recently had breast cancer. It couldn’t have happened at a better time, because I needed to hear that even though there are some bumps in the road I will get through this. I am relieved to hear that if I am truly allergic to Tamoxifen there are other medications for the maintenance part of my treatment.

 

I think I already mentioned that I love Fridays because after radiation I can get in my car and head to Amherstburg for the weekend. This Friday is truly special because my niece Katie is performing in a musical at her high school in Amherstburg. And I make it on time, even though radiation is very late today. I take this is a good omen, Katie’s last high school play means she is moving on to University next fall. My completing radiation means going back to the working world soon!

 

Although exhausted I wake up early and go for a long walk on Saturday morning to stay calm. There is a long list of things to get done this weekend. So I tackle things one at a time starting with a visit to my accountant’s office to sign my income tax before working on the tribunal decision. I fit in my manicure before attending the dedication and dinner in honour of my great aunt Rose. One of my cousin’s comments on my tan and I explain it is caused by the radiation. She is quite horrified to think she didn’t know this was a side affect of my treatment, but I actually find it kind of humorous. After the dinner I head over to MaryAnn’s for more dessert and 50^th Wedding Anniversary planning!

 

Now the problem with a late Saturday evening means that I don’t get up on time for church on Sunday. And before you know it is time for me to be out in Belle River visiting my friend Michele so she can inspect my hair that is growing in. She assures me that it is growing back more evenly then the last time. She also reminds me that it will take time to grow back to the length I want. A lot of patience is going to be required, that much I know for sure!

 

I take my mom up on her invitation to Sunday dinner, and have a great visit with my parents. My sister Terry comes by after dinner and helps me look for my parent’s wedding album….their 50^th Anniversary is coming up at the end of the month and we have things to do. With the album in hand, I head over to MaryAnn’s and discuss photo options for decorating.

 

Monday morning I am up bright and early for my drive to Toronto. My appointments turn into a bit of organized chaos. My radiation oncologist sees me before my actual radiation treatment. This causes a further delay for my radiation which is already more than an hour late. And by the time I am finished and head up to see the dermatologist, he has already left for the day.  A call is placed to his office and I am assured that I will still see him sometime later in the week.

 

When I arrive back in Burlington, my frustration level is obvious to my sister Cathy and she suggests that I head out for a walk before dinner. Her advice is appreciated and off I go for a very, very long walk. After dinner I also head to the gym for some weight training. The exercise pays off and I sleep well.

 

Of course Tuesday was meant to be the day to get things done as the only official item on the agenda is radiation. However as luck would have it the radiation machine breaks down, everything is delayed and my day of organization goes down the drain. Another very long walk before dinner keeps me motivated, positive and most importantly sane.

 

I am not sure what the traffic gods have against me, but on Wednesday I leave

2 ½ hours early for my doctor’s appointment and find myself sitting on the Gardiner Expressway for over an hour not moving. I still can’t believe that people do this every day for years. I would definitely live near the Go Train or the Subway…..This delay makes me twenty minutes late for my first appointment of the day, but my doctor is very understanding and sees me anyhow, what a relief.

 

Just when I think my day is back on track and I am early for radiation, it is running late. And then they need to take an image of my body to make sure they are still radiating the target areas. Now this makes me nervous and a bit tense, which doesn’t bode well for someone who is expected to relax and lay still during radiation. As a result of both mechanical and human tension (mine) I am now also late for my appointment at the gym back in Burlington.

 

I end up only having time for a quick walk today, because I am taking the Go Train back to Toronto to attend a dinner with two of my former colleagues, Paddy and Anne. It is an awards dinner for the winning author of the Donner Prize, and Anne is a member of the jury that selected the winner.  I have never been to the Carlu, so it is an absolute treat for me to attend and visit with friends and former colleagues.

 

Not really sure why, but when I have a late evening my radiation is always scheduled for an early slot the next day and Thursday is no exception to this rule. The good news is that I am actually finished radiation by 8:45 am. This gives me some time to run a couple errands and return a couple phone calls before lunch with my former colleague, the Hon John Godfrey, who is now the principal at the Toronto French School. After lunch he takes me on a tour of the school grounds and we attend a concert for the senior kindergarten students. It is a longer day than I expected, but a great day, and after my long walk before dinner, I am almost ready to collapse. The promised effects of fatigue from radiation are definitely kicking in.

 

Friday is my parent’s 50^th Wedding Anniversary and my 20^th radiation treatment; two important milestones to celebrate! There is only one more week to go and I can’t believe that I have made it this far. I wouldn’t have got this far without all of the support of my family and friends. And I know that I won’t get to the finish line without their help either.

 

Radiation is anything but routine. I am not sure why I ever thought that it would be. Five more treatments to go!

 

(Yikes! Just realized this didn’t get posted properly…sorry it is late!)

Harley and me....Tamoxifen and Chocolate

After being waited on by my sisters and friends for a couple weeks it is time for a little independence, and that starts for me on Budget Day, March 25th.  My sister Cathy and Brian have left me in charge of Harley, their Golden Doodle, while they go off to a conference for Brian’s work. Now this is somewhat of a challenge because I still can’t lift or pull anything greater than 10 pounds, and Harley weighs a bit more than that!  So Cathy arranges for a lady named Allison, to come and walk the dog every day, and that leaves the rest to me.

 

It is actually nice to have a routine and some responsibility again. I get up early to let Harley out and to feed her before heading up to take a shower. For some crazy reason I thought she would be tired out from her walk so I started to do some work on the computer but of course that is exactly when she wanted to play. She finally gave up when she realized that I couldn’t play the tug game with her and did take a nap. I snuck out while she was quiet to meet a friend in Burlington, and I also was able to do a few errands like pick up my prescription for Tamoxifen.  She was happy to see me when I returned, but even happier when Allison arrived to take her for her afternoon walk.

 

I also went for a walk and it gave me time to think about the article in the Life Section of the Globe written by the breast cancer survivor who was 24 years old when she was diagnosed.  I am still dealing with the changes to my body from the surgery and I couldn’t help but think about how lucky, yes, lucky I was to be much older at the time of my diagnosis. Sounds strange to be thinking that I was lucky…but my life from 24 to 46 has been amazing in many aspects and it has also in some way prepared me for part of my journey with cancer. As I walked, I kept reflecting on the article and thinking that there are thousands of stories about cancer patients that I will never read or know about.

 

The next morning I didn’t let Harley down and I got up to feed her and let her out. It turned out to be a very cold morning, but also very sunny, so I combined a trip to the grocery store with an appointment. In the late afternoon, I went out for a very long walk, but for some reason the sunshine and exercise didn’t help me fall asleep…or maybe it was because I have started to take Tamoxifen…

 

On Saturday I had something special planned for both Harley and me. Although I originally got up at 7:30 to check on Harley, I admit that I went back to bed until 8:45. However, she seemed to know that something was up because she seemed a bit more excited than usual when I fed her breakfast. I encountered a slight problem when she wasn’t sure that she really wanted to get in my car for a drive – and I can’t lift her right now - so I bribed her with a treat and she jumped in. Just before noon we arrived at Jane and Henry’s farm for the day and now Harley couldn’t wait to get out of the car.

 

And what a day it was, starting with a great homemade lunch, followed by relaxing in the sunroom of the beautiful stone farm house, and then a long walk through the fields. Harley also got to play fetch outside with Jane’s son Bobby in the afternoon, which helped ensure that she took a nap. And it didn’t end there, because Jane’s parents invited us to join them for dinner.  If someone had told me that the Hon Bob Nixon could cook I wouldn’t have believed it, but he can! And Mrs. Nixon was an incredible host, and even allowed Harley into her home. It was truly special to spend the day catching up with friends and Harley also loved the day because she didn’t have to have her leash on once. It wasn’t that late when we got home, but I think we both collapsed into a deep sleep Saturday night.

 

Sunday morning came early enough and Harley was definitely ready for her walk when Allison arrived. I, on the other hand, still had to take a shower and get ready for Tea for 200; Paddy had invited me to a fundraising event that assists women. It turned into a truly wonderful experience for me. There was a motivational speaker who basically said that whether you have a good or bad day each day is up to you. So now I am getting up each morning and trying to be thankful for the good things in my life and why it should be a good day. If I keep this up for 42 days my outlook on life is supposed to improve.

 

Although Harley was out for three walks on Sunday, I think the rainy day made her feel a bit restless. I tried to work on my computer for a bit in the afternoon, but she wanted to play. When I would stop to play with her, she didn’t want to play. In the end she took a little nap until my friend stopped by, then she was ready to play again. I wonder just what goes through her mind when she sees people coming and going from the house. So far she has always been friendly with everyone that has stopped by. Maybe she just likes all of my friends!

 

Sunday was also Sylvia’s birthday, so I had to settle for a long telephone chat instead of raising a glass of red wine to toast her special day. We agreed to celebrate both of our birthdays once I am through with radiation….I truly can’t wait!

 

Time is going by fast with Harley and yet we are also settling into a routine. I get up, let her out, feed her breakfast and while she goes for a walk with Allison I take a shower. On Monday I left shortly after noon for a meeting in Toronto. It was a bit of a challenge to get out of the house without Harley but she finally gave in and went to sit on her bed, although she did give me that sad puppy dog look. Later that afternoon when I returned, I couldn’t believe how excited she was to see me. She couldn’t take her eyes off me as she ate her dinner. I think she was afraid I was going to leave her alone again. What she didn’t know yet was that Paddy was stopping by and we were going to take her for another walk. Boy did she enjoy that! Unfortunately it didn’t tire her out and she became very interested in the dinner that we had later….

 

The next morning when I woke up I couldn’t believe that it was Tuesday already. I still had some preparation work to do for my meeting with the Tribunal the next day and I also needed to stop at the grocery store. But first I made a phone call to my friend Cindy to wish her a Happy Birthday and catch up. Afterwards I actually walked to the grocery store which allowed me to get some exercise and pick up the items we were out of. In addition, for Cathy and Brian’s return I would like to say that I cleaned the house for them but with my limited physical abilities right now, that wouldn’t be entirely honest. (how long can I use this excuse for?) Perhaps more importantly they came home to a very excited Harley. She was thrilled to see them and of course they missed her terribly as well.

 

Although I was no longer on official Harley duty, I had to be in Guelph for 9:00 am, so it was definitely an early rise on Wednesday morning. The hearing didn’t finish until mid afternoon, but I was still able to fit in a long walk before dinner. It was a very relaxing and fun evening after a long day as it was also Shelby’s first night back in Burlington.

I picked up an ice cream cake to help celebrate that.

 

It always seems that when I have a list of things that I want to get done they don’t. For example, on Thursday morning after a little more sleep, I headed off to renew my driver’s license and get my license plate sticker. Of course the photo ID wasn’t working so that means I have to return before May to get my driver’s license renewed. Not sure when I am going to be able to do this once I start radiation on Monday. However, trying to stay positive I head off to the garden store, where I strike out once again. First, no one wants to help me, then when someone tries to help they need to get someone else. The last person takes down my name and number…you know the drill….

 

Deciding not to be pessimistic about the day, I add another stop to the list, the Bell phone store, and it turns out to be a success. They have the hands free visor attachment for my blackberry phone. I will be able to receive calls on my phone while driving with this device, so the day is now a success. To continue on this positive path, I have a quick lunch with Cathy before she heads off to Toronto for her meetings. I also go for a long walk into town and back. Exercise has always been an important part of my day but now it is also a tremendous influence on my mood. I need the exercise to stay positive, to fight off lymphodema and to get back in shape.

 

Although it may sound strange to some, I did have a meeting set up for early on Good Friday morning. And ironically it turned out to be a very good meeting for me. Perhaps it is the positive thinking, or just moving forward, but my drive back to Amherstburg with Cathy was very upbeat (aside from the nausea I am having from the Tamoxifen) and we had a great discussion about future opportunities.  When we arrived, we met our sister Terry at the Verdi to check out the hall for the Open House that we want to have for our parent’s 50^th Anniversary at the end of April.

 

I stopped over to have some green tea with Sylvia, and also to rescue her from yard work with her husband Peter. She is also able to help me with my stretching exercises as she practiced as a physio for several years before becoming a teacher, so she definitely knows what she is talking about. I am becoming a bit worried about the lack of progress with my left arm and shoulder. However, she is able to offer several suggestions on how to improve my range of motion. Thanks, Sylvia!

 

Terry and Cathy picked up fish dinners for everyone at the K of C in A’burg and we spent a relaxing Friday evening at Terry and Joe’s with my parents. Everyone was ready to call it an early night, but somehow I ended up back at Sylvia’s again.

 

Now on Saturday morning I truly slept in. I didn’t set the alarm and just got up when I felt like getting out of bed. Of course it was about 8:30 or 9:00, but just the idea of having no alarm or no pressure was great! I stopped over for a coffee at my parents, and then went over to Terry and Joe’s for some fresh fruit (did I mention there is no food in my fridge?), then I went home and decided to get some fresh air. This nausea thing is not too pleasant. So I walked back and forth from my house to Terry and Joe’s again. Time to get some work and errands done

 

I wasn’t home long when I heard from Kevin, a friend from high school, who now lives in British Columbia. He was keeping his commitment to take me for ice cream the next time he was in town. After ice cream we stopped by to say hello to my parents. Kevin used to be good friends with Randy, my sister Cathy’s friend who died of Leukemia when he was 16. So Kevin had spent some time at our house growing up. My dad was able to tell a few good stories before we headed back to town for dinner.  At the restaurant I also ran into Charlene and Alex who are visiting from Alberta, we agreed to try to get together later in the week.

 

After dinner we went to visit Sylvia and Peter. We had all been in high school together and in fact Peter and Kevin had been in elementary school together. It was fun to reminisce and catch up. Of course Peter and Kevin starting talking about planning our 30 year high school reunion, but I will wait to see if that happens!

 

I had all good intentions of getting up and going to church on Easter Sunday. It is truly one of my favorite masses all year (plus I get to have chocolate after). Unfortunately, I just didn’t feel up to it this year, so I slept a bit longer. I really do have to get this nausea under control soon or I am not going to be a happy person because I usually am out of bed early and love mornings. Now today is not only a holiday but it is also my late Aunt Helen’s birthday, so that causes me to think a lot. I know that I have mentioned previously that I truly didn’t understand her battle with cancer until now, but today it causes me to stop and truly reflect on what she must have went through. She maintained such a positive outlook on life day after day and she took care of herself by exercising, eating right and getting plenty of rest. I truly hope that I can do the same as I go through life after my treatment is finished.

 

But since Easter Sunday is a holiday, it means more family get togethers, so off I go to Terry and Joe’s for quiche and chocolate for breakfast. (I think they invited me, or I invited myself, I am not really sure!) And since it is an absolutely gorgeous day after breakfast I decide to walk back and forth between houses again; it is motivating to do this because I can time myself and try to improve my endurance. I realize that I am not in such great shape though, because this walk used to only take 20 minutes in one direction and it is taking 25 to 30 minutes….

 

Have I mentioned recently that my brother-in-law is an amazing cook? If not, he is, and Easter Sunday dinner is another great example. His homemade glaze on the ham is great and the homemade cheesecake for Katie’s 18^th birthday is also delicious. It is hard to explain when I stop by later at Sylvia’s family get together that I really only want some tea, but I am absolutely full.

 

I have been procrastinating all weekend about doing my laundry because that means I will have to go back to Burlington to start radiation. So finally on Easter Sunday night that’s what I am doing, laundry. I also have a chance to catch up with my cousin Ann in Arizona on the phone.

 

Monday morning comes early. I can’t sleep because I know that radiation starts today. Before I leave town I stop by to see Jo-Anne and her daughter Emily. We have tea and it helps to calm me down a bit before I start the drive back. With my new hands free device I can also call some friends along the way, and before you know it I am at the hospital waiting for radiation.

 

For those that have been through radiation they may understand this better than I do, but for me, it was all new. First, no more Vaseline Intensive Care Cream, it will act like baby oil on my skin before radiation. Secondly, they are going to draw with magic marker on me every time I come in (just to add to my lovely tattoos they have already marked forever on my skin). Third, radiation only takes about five minutes, but plan for at least an hour or so when you come. Lastly, they show me where the change room is and the chair to wait in my hospital gown.

 

It felt strange to lie on the table for radiation for the first time and have them draw with magic marker. Then they move me ever so slightly to get the right angle for radiation. After a few minutes it is over and I can go. Of course now it is rush hour and it takes a lot longer to get back to Burlington than I expected. Cathy and I go for a walk later and that helps to relax me a bit.

 

Tuesday morning I was able to sleep until 8:30. Radiation isn’t scheduled until the afternoon so I am able to meet a business acquaintance at noon. However, radiation is delayed and takes a bit longer so by the time that I leave the hospital it is rush hour. It takes me two hours to get back to Burlington!  I am definitely in need of some exercise and I go for a long walk before dinner to try to reduce my anxiety. It is strange that I am feeling stressed from driving, perhaps it is actually a combination of the treatment and the drive.  Whatever it is, I have a hard time falling asleep again.

 

My third day of radiation is scheduled for the afternoon, but my specialist appointment is scheduled in the morning at 9:40 am. It runs exactly on time so I walk over to the radiation department to see if they might be able to fit me in. And the good news is that they can. Within an hour I am on my way. 

 

Now if you are a male and reading this, you might want to skip to the next paragraph because my next stop is shopping for new bras and prosthesis. For some strange reason I thought this would be a quick and easy stop, but I still put two hours on the parking meter. Well, let me tell you, it was definitely not quick or easy. In fact, it was very emotional. For the last 35 years of my life my body was comfortable with the size and shape of my breasts, now all of a sudden I am trying to replace them. It had never donned on me that I would even consider a different size, so I don’t. Though I have had varying advice on this, somewhat humorous as you can imagine, I want to look and feel as close to normal as I can. Suffice it to say that I prefer shoe shopping!

 

Due to my indecision I am now back in heavy traffic and pouring rain on my way to Burlington, so I stop at the mall in Oakville to pick up a birthday gift for Katie. The good news is that I don’t get lost and find my way back to Burlington. The even better news is that I also find the location where I am to meet Paddy later that evening.

 

It is still raining on Thursday morning when I get up, and if you drive into Toronto you know this means it is going to be an even longer drive. So not only do I leave early, I also prepare myself for this by stopping at Tim’s for a green tea on the way. My determination pays off and I arrive at the hospital on time, only to find that my specialist is not well and has cancelled the appointment. So I head over to radiation and sit and wait for two hours for the next available slot. I am certain that the radiation is already starting to burn my skin i.e. it is becoming red, around the area they are radiating. And it is only day four….

 

Radiation is more bearable by planning activities around it, so I am looking forward to lunch later with Charlene and Alex and their three sons. We meet at Yorkdale and have lunch at the Rainforest Cafe. It is great to catch up and talk about life with friends. I am also able to fit in a 60 minute walk before dinner and do a bit of work on the computer before I call it a night.

 

I have absolutely no problem getting up early on Friday for my radiation appointment at 9:40 and my meeting with the physio. Everything runs smoothly and before you know it my fifth round of radiation is over and I am on the 401 heading to A'burg. I stop several times along the way to stretch my legs. It is a clear day for a drive and I actually enjoy it. I arrive back in A'burg just in time to stop by the town office to ask a few questions before heading out to a birthday dinner for Katie. Maybe it is the green tea with Sylvia later, or maybe it is just anxiety, but I have trouble falling asleep….

 

Saturday morning is cold but sunny, so Kirsten and I head out for a walk. I meet Terry, Katie and my mother at a local clothing store, offer my unwanted advice, and then run some errands. They still invite me to lunch so I guess my advice wasn’t too bad!  My plans for getting things done on Saturday soon evaporate as a visit with Sylvia turns into a dinner invitation and an evening socializing with friends.

 

My weekend is ending all too soon. Sunday starts with another long walk with Kirsten and then a stop at the gym to talk with Dr D. It is time to discuss getting back in shape and maintaining a healthy body weight. If I have to take this tamoxifen for five years then I intend to make sure that my body cooperates in any way that it can.

 

So my laptop sits open on my table all day, but not much really gets completed between laundry, visits with friends and telephone calls. One thing that I have learned from my cancer experience is that spending time with friends and family is truly good for the soul. I end the day with green tea, dark chocolate and oh yes, the now famous Tamoxifen. Though they are all supposed to be good for me, I am pretty sure I prefer the first two….

It's About the Journey

Michele, a good friend of my sister Cathy, who has recently had her own battle with breast cancer, sent me a copy of Lance Armstrong’s book, “It’s Not about the Bike – My Journey Back to Life.” She said that she had found it inspiring and hoped that I would enjoy reading it, and I did.

 

For those of you that know me well, you will also know that I don’t know a lot about the lives of celebrities, and that was a good thing as I read Lance Armstrong’s book. Yes, I knew that he had battled cancer and then won the Tour de France, and yes, I knew that he had started the Lance Armstrong Foundation and raised money for cancer research; but that was it. And it was actually a good thing, because part of the reason I really enjoyed the book was that it ended at a very promising place in his personal life. And I truly love happy endings!  Now that’s all I will say in case you haven’t read the book…..or in case you don’t know much about Lance Armstrong….

 

So let me backtrack a bit. I actually started reading it the night before my surgery when I couldn’t sleep very well. However, after reading the first few chapters I eventually did put it down, and didn’t pick it up again until I was off my pain medication. Why you may ask? Because I wanted to remember it in as much detail as possible. Not because I am an avid bike racing fan or even a recreational bike rider, but because I was truly enjoying reading it. I found it very insightful and it was also a stark reminder that everyone’s cancer diagnosis and journey is very different.

 

My journey has been blessed with family and friends throughout. And every day since my surgery someone has called, sent an email or came by for a visit. Each encounter has made my journey that much easier and has helped motivate me to move forward. And I can tell you that some days I have needed that motivation, desperately.

 

As I came close to my two week anniversary of my surgery date I found myself able to walk a bit more each day and looking forward to outings with my sister. So when Cathy suggested a pedicure and watching movies at home afterwards, while we waited for my sister Terry and niece Katie to arrive, I was all for it.

 

Knowing it was the start of March break week also felt a bit strange to me, because usually Katie and I would go south for the week. However this March break, she would be going off to look at University campuses and I would still be recuperating from surgery. It just doesn’t sound like as much fun, especially for me! However, Katie left early Saturday morning for the train to Ottawa.

 

Maybe her arrival and departure brought good luck, or maybe it was just me wishing that my life would move forward, but Saturday morning also brought the removal of the first of my drainage tubes. And the torrential rains meant no walking outdoors, so off we went to Costco for some exercise!

 

The weekend also brought the dreaded movement of the clocks an hour forward so of course I slept even later on Sunday morning! By the time I got up my sisters had organized a great breakfast for me. I insisted that they go to the gym to lift weights while I went for a walk even though it was kind of dreary outside. It was actually nice to walk by myself and clear my head in the cool afternoon weather.

 

Just as Terry was leaving, my friend Jo-Anne and her husband Ron and son Curtis stopped by for a visit. Unfortunately they couldn’t say hello to the amazing golden doodle Harley because she was still at the cottage with Brian, but they assured me that they had truly stopped in to visit with me on their way to Toronto!

 

The time change didn’t help me fall asleep Sunday night, and Monday morning came much too early for me! After a slow start I did actually walk to the salon and have a manicure. I was a bit nervous because there are some adjustments to the usual manicure without my lymph nodes, but it all worked out. So I was able to get some exercise in and get my nails done and still have a nap before dinner.

 

On Tuesday I was up early for an appointment in Toronto. When we returned, it was a beautiful sunny day, so my sister Cathy and I took Harley for a long walk into town. I wasn’t sure if it was the early rise or the long walk, but I again took a nap before dinner. I have to admit that I am starting to worry that this nap habit may be hard to break! However, after dinner I was wide awake and finally able to catch up with my friend Jane by phone and watch a bit of television.

 

I am truly having a tough time adjusting to the time change because I actually had to set my alarm for a radio interview with CBC back in Windsor on Wednesday morning. It felt strange to talk about my surgery so publicly, but the community of Windsor and Essex County has been so supportive of my battle, and if it helps even one person who listens, then it is certainly worth sharing.

 

Now perhaps it was the luck of the Irish (yes, Whelan is definitely an Irish name) or maybe it wasn’t, but St Patrick’s Day also brought the removal of my second drain. YEAH! I would have celebrated with a green beer, but I have sworn off all alcohol throughout my treatment. So I had to celebrate with another long walk in the sun and the ability to sit outside on the back patio in the afternoon with Cathy and Brian. It was truly not a bad way to spend the afternoon. I also was able to talk on the phone while I tried to play with Harley in the back yard. But since I can’t play tug toy with her very well, she does lose interest very quickly…

 

My niece Katie returned by train from her trip to visit Carleton University, and my sister Cathy made a great barbecue rib and chicken dinner for everyone. Terry drove up after work, and they had a glass of wine in honour of St Patrick’s Day. Of course, I had green tea!

 

It was a very strange day for me, because although I was surrounded by family and beautiful weather, I was very emotional at times. I think part of it is the medication, part of it is the unknown, and part of it is the fact I am battling cancer.

 

On Thursday morning, Terry and Katie dropped me off at my medical appointment while they went to visit the University of Toronto campus and attend the open house. While I waited for my medical appointment I continued to read Lance Armstrong’s book, and I freely admit that I cried several times as I read. I am sure that the people in the cafeteria thought that I had just received bad news. However, I just found the book very moving in places and very honest about his own experiences.

 

It was mid afternoon by the time we left Toronto, so we stopped at Milestone’s in Burlington for lunch. When we got back to the house I was feeling a bit anxious so I decided to go for a walk. It was a beautiful sunny day again and it did help settle my anxiety. Of course usually I would have preferred going to the mall with Terry and Katie but I really didn’t feel like shopping. So while they were buying fun things, I walked to the drug store to pick up glaxal cream for my scars; how priorities do change.

 

I am sure that I have mentioned this many times in my blog, but I love to walk; it helps to clear my head and it allows me to think. The warmth of the sun actually helped me to build up a bit of a sweat for the first time in a very long time. I also thought very positively about my future and my physical strength returning. It would be great if this sunny weather would last!

 

Strangely enough I had a hard time falling asleep after my long day so I continued reading Lance’s book. I fell asleep knowing that Lance Armstrong had won the Tour de France and it reminded me there are many things that I would still like to do with my life.

 

Maybe it was reading the book, or maybe it was the sunshine and exercise, I am not really sure, but the good news is my last drain came out on Friday morning. Shortly thereafter Casey stopped by to visit, bringing some dark chocolate and oranges for me (two of my favorite things!).

 

It turned into a beautiful day for a drive as Terry, Katie and I headed back to Amherstburg around noon. I was quite excited to go back and stay in my own house for a couple days. It also meant that I could visit with my parents and see a few friends. And it turned into a very busy weekend for me.

 

When we arrived at my house I was a bit taken back by the construction next to it. I knew the town was building a new gateway to Amherstburg and I had reviewed the drawings, but I was still surprised to actually see it underway. And within minutes of arriving I was outside taking a look at the progress.

 

Although it was cooling down, it was still sunny out, so I had my sister drive me to my parent’s house. I stopped in to say hello, and then I walked back to my house. Of course I also decided to walk to the corner store to buy a lottery ticket (on which I didn’t win) and then I ran into some of my friends before I headed home to make a protein shake for dinner.

 

Friday evening turned into a little get together at my house. I was outside talking with my neighbour about the gateway when Terry, Joe and Margo stopped by for a visit. It was a very relaxing evening and everyone left around ten or so; I guess they think I need my rest! However before I fell asleep I finally finished Lance’s book.

 

Falling asleep is difficult some days, but so is waking up. I barely was out of the shower and dressed when Barb stopped by with some baked goods for tea. Not long after Michele came by to check on my hair and get rid of any chemo fuzz that remained. The good news is that it is growing back!

 

Saturday did turn cold, but I decided to walk to Terry’s anyhow and she agreed to drive me home. In the end, she also met me half way with a bottle of water. Turns out the supplies at my place have definitely dwindled in my absence but I see no point in stocking up for the short term.

 

For the first time since my surgery I could now drive. All my drains were out and I had full range of my shoulders again. So off I went to have a manicure. It felt like one of the most normal things that I could do. Afterwards I stopped by to visit and have tea with Kirsten. I planned to stay in on Saturday evening and not do much, but was quick to accept an invitation to Terry and Joe’s for dinner!  I did head home to do some bookkeeping and found myself in bed before long….

 

I continue to blame the time change because my body isn’t cooperating and I can’t seem to wake up before 9 or 9:30 these days without an alarm. So on Sunday morning I didn’t make it to my parents for coffee until 10:30, however they didn’t really mind. It was great to visit with them and hear about what they have been up to. My dad is having a bit of trouble with his leg, and is using a cane while he goes to therapy. But that didn’t stop him from going out for St Patrick’s Day or going out for dinner. It continues to amaze me that they keep as active as they do.

 

When I got back to my house Kirk was waiting with a decaf coffee for me and we had a great discussion. I tried to do a few things on the computer and around my house before I left for Burlington. And yes, I drove myself back to Burlington. I was a bit sore and stopped three times to stretch, but it truly felt good to do this. It has been a long time since I have driven alone on the 401.

 

I was very difficult to sleep on Sunday night. Perhaps it was the anxiety I was feeling about the doctors appointments and the pathology results I would get the next day, or maybe it was not knowing what really to expect next…..

 

Monday morning came very early and turned into a very, very long day at the hospital. However, it was very good news. Pathology showed that the chemo had worked and my tumors had shrunk to next to nothing. The surgeon was able to get clear margins. The even better news was that I will only have radiation on my left side. The difficult part about that was the planning for radiation required me to lie on a table with my left arm above my head for 30 minutes. Sounds easy enough, but I just started the last of the stretching exercises on Saturday, and let me tell you it was very painful. I also will never understand why people have tattoos; I didn’t enjoy the few marks they put on me for radiation.  At the end of the day I met with my oncologist, who was very upbeat about the results from my chemo, the surgery and the pathology. The next steps are radiation and tamoxifen.

 

Although it was a very long day, I was very relieved and happy with the results overall. I truly believe that exercising throughout chemo helped with shrinking the tumors in my case. I also believe that trying to stay positive and focusing on the next stage in my life helped get me through everything so far. However, the most important thing has been the support that I have received from my family and friends throughout this journey.

 

And that is the one thing that I know for sure. It is about the journey; and everyone’s is very, very different.  I hope to never say to another cancer patient or survivor that I know exactly what you are going through or have been through, because I don’t think you can ever know what someone else is truly experiencing. It is definitely about the journey and mine is far from over.