Susan's Fight Back

When Time Stands Still

 

I truly cannot believe that it is the end of January already, just where has the time gone? It feels like New Year’s Eve was yesterday and that time has actually stood still.

The New Year started off with both promise and excitement. Although I slept in, I got up and went to the gym, before heading over to Sylvia's for a visit with her family in the afternoon. And after a family dinner at Terry and Joe's on New Year's Day, I headed back to Sylvia's for dessert and a game or two of wii jeopardy. Thank goodness Sylvia and her sister MaryAnn are good at trivia!
 
Sunday was a bit of a blur with another late morning, but I kept my commitment and headed to the gym to use the treadmill.  After paying our respects at the funeral home my parents took me out to dinner at Riccardo’s. This made it easy for me to have a rather healthy dinner as I work towards being totally fit in 2011. Later that evening I also spoke with Sylvia on the phone, after catching up on our day’s activities we discussed getting old…. and what that brings.
 
Since Monday morning was still a holiday for bankers, federal employees and a few others that didn't take Friday off in lieu of it, I decided to sleep in and then go to the gym. So it was late morning when Barb stopped by and almost noon when Kirk came by for a quick visit. No sooner had they left then I received a phone call with very sad news. Sylvia's father had died suddenly that morning. I truly didn’t know what to do but I knew that I wanted to be there for her and her family and to help out however I could; and that’s what I did for the rest of the week; tried to be helpful.

 

But perhaps I should backtrack a bit. When I was about seven years of age, Sylvia’s father approached my dad about buying some property in northern Ontario. And to make a long story short; my family also invested in some northern property. I often wonder if Sylvia and I would have met if it hadn’t been for our cottages on the same lake in northern Ontario.

So during my teen years and in my early twenties I spent many hours at Sylvia’s parents’ home and now I cannot help but reflect on the many conversations that I had with her father over the years. He was an Engineer; hard working, extremely disciplined and a truly dedicated family man. And the conversation that stands out the most was the night we were writing Sylvia’s wedding invitations and her dad asked me when I was going to get married. I told him that I wasn’t planning on getting married until after I was 30 (my mother was married at the age of 32, so this seemed reasonable to me). He told me in his very straight forward way that night that no one was going to want me after 30, as I would be old and fat. We all had a good chuckle that night. He was always very direct and honest with his opinion. But I often wonder if I should have listened more to his words of wisdom about marriage…..

So January didn’t start off quite the way that I had hoped. When Sylvia’s father died, life went in a different direction for a few days – almost as if time was standing still. It just didn’t make a lot of sense to me; not that death ever does. But just two days earlier he had danced the night away with his wife celebrating the arrival of the New Year. I truly cannot imagine what life is like when you lose a loved one that is so vibrant and full of life. It was truly heart warming to know that hundreds of people paid their respect at the funeral home; and that many sent cards and flowers and donations. He was an amazing man; and I am truly blessed to have known him and spent so much time with him over the years. He often joked that I was the fifth daughter and you may recall from my August blog that it was Sylvia’s dad who came to my rescue at the cottage and fixed the water pump! He will be missed by many!

Of course he would not be very happy to know that my plans for the first week of January to organize my basement went by the way side. But I truly did not feel like sorting through boxes when I could be helping my friend. So when the guys arrived to start insulating my basement the following week I think they were a little surprised that I had not moved more than two boxes. However, they took it in stride, moved everything to the center, covered it in plastic; and now my basement is definitely a construction site.

Somehow that first week of January I did actually take down my Christmas tree and decorations with the help of Babs and her husband Mark. It truly was nice to have their help and it felt good to put them away. And we still were able to enjoy our annual spa day at Estetica with our mother on the following Saturday. I think I enjoyed it more than usual because I was very appreciative of the time I was spending with her.

The good news about January is that I only had one medical appointment in Toronto and that was with my radiation oncologist who does not wish to see me ever again! The bad news is that it happened to fall on the day of a nasty snow storm and of course I had booked another meeting later in the day that involved my potential new job. So by the time I drove back to Burlington later that evening the roads were a bit treacherous.

The next morning the roads were not much better, and I stopped in Cambridge briefly to look at potential real estate opportunities before heading back to Amherstburg. I now know why my sister does not like driving in the snow belt; it is very exhausting when the weather is bad. However, I had an easy night when I returned home and started to do a little reading for my next law course “biotechnology and health law issues”.

So with the guys banging in my basement on Thursday I decided to skip the gym and tried to finish reading for my course that evening. There truly is a lot to know about biotechnology and health law. And perhaps it was a good thing that the sound system on my computer was not working when the Prof started talking about how legislators should NOT make laws about biotechnology…little does he know that I was once one of those legislators he was criticizing. This is going to be an interesting six weeks….

 

To cap off my week I had a drainage hearing in Dutton on the Friday; so my plans for that evening included only lots of sleep!

Somehow I convinced my sister Terry to venture with me to Cambridge on Saturday to look at real estate with me; however; the weather stopped us from going further than London. It was not to be a wasted trip however, because Terry purchased much needed boots and a new bathing suit for her upcoming cruise. We also had a nice lunch before heading back onto the 401; which was in much better condition late in the afternoon.

Sylvia and I were going to go and watch her son’s hockey game that evening; but he ended up not playing that night; so we had a relaxing evening with a glass of wine at her house instead. It was one of the most peaceful evenings that I have had in a very long time; we just sat and talked; and we reminisced a lot about her dad.

Sunday used to be my day for getting up early; going to church; and then the gym before breakfast at 11:00.  Now I am lucky if I make it to the gym and back before 11:00. However, after a great workout I did organize my health receipts from 2010; it was a bit depressing to see the number of doctor appointments and trips to Toronto that I experienced in 2010; but on the bright side I am still here to talk about it.

My parents often take us out for dinner from time to time for no special reason and Sunday was one of those lucky days. Not only did I get to spend time with my parents and Terry and Joe; but no one had to cook! We enjoyed a great meal at Caldwell’s in Amherstburg and I still had time to work on finishing my health receipts when I got home. 

On Sunday night it seemed like a good idea that I would get up early on Monday morning and go to the gym with Terry and Joe; but 6 am came awfully early! My usual protein shake was not enough to keep me going that morning and I actually made an omelet so I could continue to work on issues for the Tribunal.

 

Tuesday morning I let myself sleep in a bit later because I had a doctor appointment at the gym to review my eating habits for 2011. I am determined to be as healthy as possible this year however the appointment was barely over before I was off to a lunch meeting with my friend Danielle. The good news was that I did not snack for the rest of the day as I worked on the Tribunal decision and a letter in support of breast cancer screening. It was a long but productive day. 

I was back at the gym on Wednesday; although I will admit that it was a bit later than Monday’s 6 am arrival time. And after a two hour work out which includes a number of new stretching exercises for my tight muscles, I found myself at a lunch meeting with my friend Jeff. The right mix of protein and veggies led to yet another very productive afternoon.

 

As I try to make some decisions about the potential job in Cambridge, I convinced my friend Jo-Anne to drive up with me on Thursday to check out a few real estate options. Since she loves to drive I was able to do a bit of reading for my online health law course that evening. I like to think that it was a very successful day because we found a great place to have lunch after a truly exhausting morning. Who thought looking at condominium units and apartments could be so tiring? We also were able to catch up briefly with her daughter Kyla on our drive back to Amherstburg. And just as she promised I was home in time to plop myself in front of my computer screen for round two of biotechnology and health law! 

With the gym only being five minutes from my house there are no excuses for not keeping my resolution for exercise every day; so on Friday morning I made my way there for another exhausting workout. For the first time since my reconstruction surgery I really pushed myself on the cardio machines; and I will also admit that it is a bit unusual for me because I do not like to sweat. But the doctor at the gym advised that I need to increase my heart rate if I want to get in better shape. I also knew that I was meeting my friend Cindy for lunch in the US a couple hours later and decided a little extra effort would allow me to enjoy whatever was on my plate.

 

I am actually surprised at how productive I am becoming in the afternoons as I used to be a morning person. Maybe it is because I am allowing myself more sleep; or maybe it is because my body has adjusted to a different time clock. Whatever it is, I am feeling quite good about the progress that I am making on the list of things that I would like to accomplish in January. As a reward and since I do not like to work late on Fridays in general, it did not take much to convince me to join Sylvia, MaryAnn and her mother for a glass of wine that evening. There was both laughter and tears as they discussed their father and all of the things he had done in life to help them out. 

When time stands still it truly causes you to stop and think about life and what you can change. One of the things that I want to improve on is making sure that I find time to spend with those individuals in my life that are important to me. So on Saturday after a hair appointment with Michele, I picked my dad up and off we went to a 90^th Birthday open house for Louis, a very dear friend of ours. It was truly great to see him and I know my dad was very happy that he went. It is hard to watch your friends’ age; but it is also precious to spend some time with them if you can.

 

I will admit however, that I was actually exhausted Saturday afternoon; so I listened to my body and took an hour long nap. Yes, I know for those nap connoisseurs out there I should not have slept more than 20 or 30 minutes; but I have to be honest and tell you that I was totally refreshed when I woke up! 

And I woke up in time to get dressed in my very best dress and pick my dad up for the Military Charter Mess Dinner at Beachgrove. It was fun to help my dad put his medals on his tuxedo; he looked quite dashing for an 86 year old! And the evening turned out to be a very nice event; I visited with some old friends over dinner; met a couple of new friends; and laughed at the comments of the younger gentlemen in attendance.

 

I drifted off to sleep that night happy that I had spent time with my dad and a special long time family friend that day. 

On Sunday I was a bit late heading for the gym; I could say that my excuse for getting a late start was that Terry and Joe decided not to go; but the truth is that I hit the snooze button several times. However since they did skip the gym they decided to make me breakfast instead. They had also agreed to help me look for the items that I need for my basement; and we spent the afternoon at Lowe’s, Home depot and Costco. 

While Terry and Joe and I were taking a break over dinner I received an email with more sad news. Our friend’s mother had passed away in Saskatchewan. And although we knew that Linda and Ralph had postponed their return trip to Ottawa and that her mother’s health had been failing it still came as quite a shock. I guess that you are never ready for anyone’s death; regardless of age or circumstances.

Terry was also a good sport later that evening and came by to take the photos that I need to send to my plastic surgeon in Winnipeg. Yes, it is follow up time and I am hoping that he will be pleased with the results but I must admit that I am still a bit sore in places. Every day is an improvement though; especially when I eat right; get plenty of sleep and when I go to the gym and stretch those new tight muscles.

Not sure why but somehow the timing of my parents’ different specialist appointments was not communicated properly. I had planned to drive my dad to London on Monday but his appointment was actually on Tuesday as was my mom’s. So Monday became a bit more relaxed and I indulged in some extra sleep before a conference call for the Tribunal. It soon got busy because after a trip to the gym I also agreed to provide an endorsement for a company that did some work at my house. Before I knew it the day was over and I was trying to get some reading in for my course.

Tuesday morning I got up and went to the gym; met with the contractors in my house and soon discovered that I needed different pot lights for my basement. Somehow I was able to pick these up and still pick up my dad at 11:00 for his appointment in London. It was almost an unbelievable winter day for a drive; the roads were dry and clear and we made excellent time. In fact, we even had time for lunch at Red Lobster.

I was barely home when it was time to get ready for dinner with Jo-Anne and the girls; they had all received a PJ Party spa night from their husbands for Christmas and tonight was planning night. It was also the introduction for the new menu at Caldwell’s so it was a fun evening.

 

So between sleeping and exercising; organizing my business receipts; and drafting Tribunal decisions January is coming to a rapid close. When I dropped Terry and Joe at the Detroit airport Friday evening I have to admit that I was a bit envious they are escaping the cold winter weather for a week. However, the good news is that January is almost over and that means one less month of winter weather. I am keeping my fingers crossed for warmer weather in February. 

I am not quite sure where the time has gone as it has been almost eleven weeks since my breast reconstruction surgery; and I only have one more official week of recuperation before I am supposed to be back to all normal activities. And although my cancer treatment, surgery and radiation are all now a distant memory it often feels like time has stood still – and it seems like it was only yesterday when I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer.

 

 

Christmas and New Years with Family and Friends - A Hazyblur and a Bird in Hand

For those that have been reading my blog faithfully, you will already know that Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year....
 
And as I continue to recover from my recent breast reconstruction surgery Christmas seems to be actually more peaceful and relaxed than in years past. Since I can't drive yet I continue to be at the mercy of my family and friends, and although in the past this would have brought me great anxiety now I seem to actually enjoy it and almost embrace it. There are a few reasons why I think this way. First, there is no reason to rush out of bed in the morning, because I really cannot go anywhere...so I have continued to focus on getting well by making sure I do get nine or ten hours of rest each night. Some nights I sleep very soundly and others I wake up several times...but I force myself to try to sleep for the ten hours I have prescribed as part of my get well program. And secondly, when I do have to go somewhere, I have company and a second opinion on the gifts I still would like to purchase. But perhaps most importantly, I get to spend some additional time with family and close friends over the holiday season!
 
Although it seems very long ago, I do recall that in a past life, I would have jumped out of bed, had a shower, breakfast and been in my car in 30 minutes...at some outrageous hour of 6:15 or 6:30 am...rushing off to work, determined to be at the office by 7:00 or so….now I not only get up much later, I take a shower very slowly, and I add in about fifteen minutes of stretching each morning - to prevent lymphodema and to regain the full range of motion in my shoulders and arms. At some point in the morning I actually cook myself breakfast, unless I have leftover quiche from Terry and Joe's! Add in a load of laundry and pretty soon it is more than an hour since I actually got out of bed – and perhaps it is closer to noon!
 
So Christmas week was very relaxed due to both my slow pace of moving around and the fact that I was somewhat trapped in my own house! But the good news is that I was able to finish writing all of my cards and wrap the gifts that I had purchased long before Christmas Eve. It almost felt like I was breaking with tradition to not have anything left to wrap after midnight mass...but it certainly was nice not to be fretting about things on the 24th.

Since my health is definitely my priority right now, I did fit in a visit with my oncologist in Toronto on the Tuesday before Christmas. I actually took the train up – very, very early in the morning and returned in the evening. The good news is that everything is going well, so the day was well worth the visit.

What better Christmas present could I ask for then a positive visit with my oncologist? My sister Cathy was able to join me for the visit and everyone had a good laugh when they walked into the examination room and found me lying flat on my back….remember I am still not sitting much and standing or lying flat is the best for me. My oncologist, Dr. Dent, has been an amazing part of my cancer journey; not only has she kept me positive on some pretty dark days, she has also provided great insight into all treatment options. Of course I had to show off the early results of the breast reconstruction surgery and also I wanted to wish her the very best in 2011.

I also have to admit that I was very relieved to have Cathy join me for my appointment. There is just something about being alone when you see your cancer doctor that doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it is the fact that while you are sitting in the waiting area you know that some one near you may be waiting for results that could be bad news…and you can’t help but think about this, because you were once there yourself. Or you look across at the chemo area and thank God that you have finished that stage of your treatment….was it really only a year ago? Yes, having Cathy meet me at Sunnybrook was a day brightener. 

After my appointment I also managed to fit in a glass of wine to celebrate my friend Paddy’s birthday before boarding the train back to Windsor. It was also my first glass of wine since my surgery, so it was a double celebration. Paddy and I met in 1993, and it continues to amaze me that we are no longer 30 years of age….in fact that seems like a lifetime ago! We have both been through so much in the past 17 years since we met. One of the best things about political life was some of the friends that I made and kept. They have been a great source of support over the past few years and especially through my cancer battle. 

Although it was a long day for me, it was even longer for my sister Terry, who not only drove me to the train station (after she woke me up), but then she worked the entire day and still agreed to pick me up late in the evening! My family has been truly amazing through all of this, and I am sure they are also hoping that I will be driving again very soon!

And I must confess that I had to cancel the early Christmas baking that I had planned and focus on getting ready for Christmas. Although positive, the day spent in Toronto tired me out and after a bit of shopping with Sylvia on Wednesday I went home and crashed for a while. Eventually I did work on my gift wrapping and thought about baking cookies, but it was a very distant thought!

I almost forgot to mention that my brother-in-law Joe rigged up this neat funnel system for me to water my Christmas tree; and once I figured out how to check the water level without bending forward, I also figured out how to make sure the container has plenty of water without ruining my floor! And since I can’t sit to play my piano right now, I have a new habit of turning on Christmas piano music every time I water my tree. It is also usually playing whenever anyone stops by…..I think I am driving my family a bit crazy with all of the Christmas carols…but I have promised to stop after little Christmas in January!

 

My good friend Danielle took a break from her busy schedule and showed up with Chinese food for lunch on the Thursday before Christmas. We had a great time catching up and I really enjoyed the take out food; couldn’t remember the last time that I had Chinese food! And I also had a small glass of red wine to celebrate our friendship and toast good health in the coming year.

 

It was hard to believe how fast the week went by. Before I knew it, it was Christmas Eve, and after going to my manicure appointment to which my niece Katie graciously drove me, it was time to make the spinach salad for dinner. Joe, of course did most of the cooking and we had a fabulous meal of broccoli soup, French tortiere with homemade tomato salsa, spinach salad, and a variety of homemade desserts courtesy of Verna and Tina who joined us for dinner! 

Terry and our very good friend Margo, agreed to come to midnight mass with me. Well actually they agreed to take me to mass…but the good news for them is that midnight mass is now at 10 pm, so they were actually home long before midnight! I just love the church with the lighted Christmas trees, the candles and the poinsettias; they could have turned down the lights just a bit; but overall it was beautiful and peaceful. The only real problem was that I discovered the wooden pews are very, very hard and I found sitting very difficult after the first half of the mass; so I stood near the back of the church for the second half. The choir however was lovely and I didn’t mind standing to listen to them; I actually have a CD of the Christmas carols they sing at Christmas to listen to at home….did I mention that I love Christmas carols?

 

And I did actually bake something before Christmas, it was the crust for the Cherry Cheesecake that I make each year and I did this after mass on Christmas Eve. So even though I didn’t get the cookies baked as planned, I was keeping up part of my end of our family tradition with the cheesecake for dessert! And of course the spinach salad….that I would make again for Christmas and Boxing Day! 

Christmas morning was also very leisurely for me as brunch wasn’t scheduled at Terry and Joe’s until 11 or so. It was nice to turn on my Christmas carols and enjoy my tree while I got ready. And of course the main course at brunch was Joe’s famous quiche.

 

After brunch and opening a few gifts, Katie dropped me off at my house so I could finish making dessert and the salad for dinner, but also so I could take a nap! Cathy, Brian and Harley drove down to be with everyone for Christmas dinner, which was turkey with all the trimmings courtesy of Joe!

 

A few years ago my sisters and I decided that we didn’t need to exchange big gifts; but decided instead to buy one nice bottle of wine for each other. So we go to the vintages section in the LCBO and try to find new or different wines to fit the taste or lifestyle of the recipient. Cathy and Brian bought me a nice shiraz from Australia called “A Hazyblur” and what a fitting name for not only the winery but also the year that I have had. The name Hazyblur was chosen for the winery when the owner was driving back on a hot summer day and there was a shimmer or mirage over the grapes – or a hazy blur.  And truly my cancer treatment in 2009 and 2010 now feels like a hazy blur when I think back to those days. 

On Boxing Day morning Cathy brought Harley to my house and we went into town to go for a walk through the King’s Navy Yard Park. It was a bit cool out, but it was nice to walk outside and enjoy some clean fresh air!

 The day quickly turned into a blur of activity with my nieces Shelby and Stephanie and Steph’s boyfriend Corey arriving from Waterloo. We visited at my parents before heading over to Terry and Joe’s for another fabulous dinner. Unfortunately my mom wasn’t feeling up to par and stayed home but one of the greatest things about Terry and Joe living next door is that it was easy to transport a warm dinner to her. And in the end it actually gave me a chance to visit with her and to watch part of the Sound of Music; a family favorite movie!

 

I finally decided that I could drive as I hit week six of recovery and ventured over to Terry and Joe’s for another incredible breakfast before everyone departed. Margo and Casey stopped by and it also was a chance to reminisce and catch up on life.

 

No sooner had I arrived home for a nap when my mom called to tell me that my Great Aunt Helen and her son Tim had stopped by for a visit. So I put off the nap and headed back over to see them. In true form I was totally impressed to see how well my Great Aunt Helen looks at the age of 94; you truly would never guess her age. She is one very impressive lady, who not only is still driving but also made a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings on Christmas Day for her sons and grandchildren. 

However by late afternoon I did indeed need to take a nap while I caught up on my laundry. The nap worked out well because I had new energy when my good friend Barb and her husband Dave stopped by later that evening to visit and to see my Christmas tree. I think she was also happy to see that I wasn’t wearing pajamas!

 

Perhaps it was holiday overload, I am not really sure but I slept until almost noon the next day! My Aunt Judi and Uncle Marty stopped by for a visit in the afternoon, and so did Terry and Margo to say hello. Once everyone was gone I took another nap. So it appears I was definitely in need of some extra sleep, or maybe it is just part of the healing process. The good news is that I did enjoy a nice glass of wine later that evening when my friend Babs stopped by to catch up.

 

Determined to get back into the swing of things I jumped at the opportunity to head to the gym with Terry the next day. But I will admit that after 30 minutes on the treadmill at a very slow pace, I was basically toast. Tried to revive myself by having a protein shake, but in the end went home and relaxed for the rest of the day. And once again this was a good strategy because Jo-Anne and Ron, Sylvia and Pete, MaryAnn and my sister Terry and Joe came by for some Christmas cheer after dinner. I opened one of the special bottles of wine that Terry and Joe had given me for Christmas, called “A Bird in Hand”, and it was a really nice Shiraz. The Bird in Hand winery is named after an old gold mine, and to me, it was quite appropriate to drink this lovely bottle of wine with family and friends, who are my gold mine. We also shared the bottle of Hazyblur that Cathy and Brian had provided, as they all helped me through the cancer journey. In the end it turned into a bit of a wine tasting evening but both my sister and Jo-Anne have daughters that served as designated drivers, so no one was driving after a glass or two of wine.

The next morning my phone rang at 7:30….Terry was offering to pick me up to go to the gym…which I had forgotten about the night before. Since I was awake and I needed her to tie my running shoes (as I still can’t bend forward) I accepted her invitation and headed to the gym. This time I tried to increase the duration of the workout on the treadmill by adding extra time and increasing the speed. However, after 40 minutes, I was definitely tired. Terry did volunteer to take me to Leamington to look at fireplaces and after our outing another nap was in order before a lovely dinner at Terry and Joe’s with their neighbours. And as a surprise gift, Sylvia and Peter’s sons, Eric and Colin came by to clear the remaining ice from my driveway that day!

The next day Terry got me out of bed to go to the gym again. This time I decided to only do 30 minutes on the treadmill as I didn’t want to tire myself out for New Year’s Eve. And after a quick stop with my mom to exchange her Christmas sweaters that didn’t fit and our preplanned manicures, I settled in for another nap so that I would be wide awake at midnight. One of the best things about still wearing my wig is that I can take a nap in the afternoon and not worry about how my hair will look later in the day!

That evening, a group of us went to Pointe West, the local golf club, for a great New Year’s Eve dinner, followed by dancing and yes, a glass of champagne at midnight. It truly was an evening to celebrate the end of 2010 and to welcome 2011; and for me, the beginning of a new stage in my life, that doesn’t involve chemo, radiation, and major surgery. Yes, some reconstruction touch up surgery still to come, but all major procedures are hopefully now behind me, so I definitely embraced the New Year surrounded by family and friends.

Happy 2011 to one and all!